Marriage and Ministry (3)(b) Is your husband a friend?

In my last post, I suggested that one of the common cracks in a marriage can be found in its patterns of communication.  Strain can also arise when you and your husband aren’t good friends.

When you think about your husband, who is the person you see in your head?  Is this mental picture filled with positive attributes or can you only see the negatives?  We generally feel positively towards those people we like and love – for example, think about your female friends – mostly you see their positive qualities.  Strong and healthy marriages will be based on a deep friendship with each other.  Nurture and strengthen your relationship by nurturing your fondness and admiration for each other.  Remind yourself of your husband’s positive qualities.  Ask your husband to tell you what he likes about you.  It might surprise you to hear him say positive things and it will remind you of the person your husband married.

It is the couples who are good friends and who know each other intimately who are best able to weather the tough seasons.  Try and spend time together doing things you enjoy.  If you feel that other people in your congregation get to spend much more quality time with your husband than you, it is time to organise quality time together so that you start seeing that wonderful man that he is in a renewed way.  You might have to organise these times – the strengths of many of our husbands in not necessarily seen in arranging these special times together.  Try and spend time together on your day off – even with small children, you can buy takeaway and have a fun dinner together after they have gone to bed.  Ask a friend or close relative to help mind your children to give yourselves time together as a couple.

If you genuinely feel jealous of the time that your husband spends with other members of your congregation, you need to talk to your husband about this and share your fears honestly.  Again, this can be a tricky aspect to your relationship, which needs openness – you need to reassure each other that your relationship with each other is unique and special and will never be replaced by any other.