Respectable Sins: Pt 12 (Anger and the Weeds of Anger)

Chapters 15 and 16

 In my intial post for this series I quoted Peter Brain who writes that ministers "are amongst the angriest group of people he works with" (Going the Distance, p.84). I also surmised, that the same can be said of ministers' wives.  For that reason, I think these two chapters are especially relevant to us.

Bridges first defines anger as:

a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism. I would add that it's often accompanied by sinful emotions, words and actions hurtful to those who are the objects of our anger. (p. 121)

He's not referring to righteous anger here, or even to big outward displays of anger (which are clearly sin, but not so 'respectable').  Instead he looks at the 'respectable' ways many of us can be angry.

 After looking at some of the reasons we get angry and the fact that no one can be blamed for our anger except ourselves, Bridges then looks at how we should address our anger:

How can we handle our anger in a God-honouring way? First we have to recognise and acknowledge our anger and the sinfulness of it...Then we need to ask ourselves why we become angry. Was it because of our pride or selfishness or some idol of the heart we are protecting. If so, we need to repent not only of our anger but also of our pride, selfishness or idolatry. (p. 125)

We also need to change our attitude towards the person or pwersons whose words or actions triggered the anger and ask forgiveness of the person if we have directed anger outwardly at them.

 In the next chapter, he looks at what he calls the 'weeds' of anger - the sins that crop up as a result of the anger in our hearts.  They include:

• resentment - anger held on to, which is often internalized
• bitterness - resentment that has grown into ongoing animosity 
• enmity and hostility - a higher level of animosity than bitterness, often expressed openly
• holding a grudge - planning, although usually not following through, revenge
• strife - open conflict or turmoil, often with groups rather than individuals

So "how can we deal with our anger so so that it does not being to sprout these noxious weeds?" (p133)

 1. We must look to the sovereignty of God - and remind ourselves that God intends all things for our good;

 2. We should pray that God will enable us to grow in love - love enables us to overlook the sinful actions of other people;

 3. We need to learn to forgive as God has forgiven us - the basis of our forgiving one another, is the enormity of God's forgiveness of us.

 As I read these chapters, I'm ashamed to admit that I could recognise many times I have fallen into the trap of harbouring anger.  I think I feel particularly angry when people criticise Dave (which seems to go with the job when you're in ministry!) and I tend to fall into the trap of feeling resentment.  I dwell on the thing that had hurt Dave (and me) and I don't let it go and try and forgive.  These chapters really challenged me on the seriousness of this (I think I tend to think it's justified if the other person has behaved badly!), and motivated me to try and forgive when people hurt me and Dave rather than feel angry.  This can only be done with much prayer!

Bridges also spends a bit of time discussing being angry with God.  He points out that it is a sin to be angry with God but encourages us to admit this sin to God and pray asking for help in dealing with it.  This reminded me of a helpful article by John Piper on this exact subject which emphasises why it's so important to be prepared to repent rather than be guilty of hypocrisy as well. 

What things tempt you to feel anger?  What things have helped you to forgive those who have hurt you?