Respectable Sins Pt 14: (Envy, Jealousy and related sins)

Chapter 20 - Envy, Jealousy and related sins

I this chapter, I think Bridges addresses a string of 'respectable sins' that can be particularly dangerous traps for outwardly 'good' people (like the older brother in Jesus' parable, for example). 

First, Bridges looks at envy and jealousy.  He addresses them separately, since the two words (while they're often used interchangeably) do have different meanings:

Envy

Envy is the painful and oftentimes resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else. Sometimes we want that same advantage leading to the further sin of covetousness. And sometimes we just resent the other person having something we don't have.  But we don't just envy people in general.  Usually, there are two conditions that tempt us to envy. First, we tend to envy those with whom we most closely identify. Second, we tend to envy in them the areas we value most. (p. 149)

I found those last two insights very helpful in understanding why I've felt envy towards some people but not others.  For example, it was usually those at the same stage of life as me who I would envy when Dave was the minister of our church in Petersham - whether it was their house, or their husband's job, or something else.  It was women having their first babies I envied when I had a miscarriages with my first two pregnancies, not those having their fourth.  I've also been tempted to envy other ministry wives as well - those who seem to have it more together than me - or seem to have gifts I wish I had.   Rachael looked at this phenomenon a bit in her superwoman series earlier this year.  If you missed it, and you are struggling with feelings of envy towards other ministry wives who seem to be 'superwomen', then it's worth a read.

Jealousy

According to this chapter, "Jealousy is usually defined as intolerance of rivalry".   Sometimes, it is right to be jealous, the most common example being when someone is trying to win your husband away from you, but:  

Sinful jealousy occurs...when we are afraid someone is going to become equal or even superior to us. (p. 151)

His thoughts about jealousy actual focussed a bit on people in ministry here, and the temptation to feel jealous of those who have more vibrant ministries.  This made me wonder if this is also a temptation for ministry wives.  What do you think?

Bridges had some helpful suggestions for how to deal with envy and jealousy:

1. Turn to the sovereignty of God. "We must remind ourselves that He determines not only what abilities we have but also the degree of those abilities and the blessing He will bestow on their use" (p. 152)
2. Remember that all believers are one body in Christ.
3. Try not to lose sight of what God might be doing in our lives.  

There were two other sins Bridges looked at in this chapter which he argued were related to envy and jealousy: competitiveness and controlling.

Competitiveness

Competitiveness is basically an expression of selfishness. It's the urge to win at someone else's expense. It is certainly not loving our neighbor as ourselves.

This is an interesting one because it's almost seen as a virtue by the general population, and indeed, many Christians.  Bridges argues that 'doing our best' is the best way to look at things.  This is especially helpful for those of us who are parents - it's so tempting to want our children to be 'the best', and there's so many aspects of our education system that uphold those values that we can get sucked into competitiveness of our society unwittingly.

Controlling

If competitiveness is all about wanting to win, controlling is all about getting our own way - seeking to control others to our advantage or to get what we want.  I think this is a bigger danger for us as ministry wives than we care to admit a lot of the time.  While we often don't have much official power (and we may well have a theoretical belief in male headship that means we would vehemently reject the idea that we were the leaders of our marriages or our churches) we are commonly still very close to the place where decisions get made, and have the opportunity to exert enormous informal influence behind the scenes.  Whilst the wise use of informal influence is hardly a bad thing, the idolatrous need to control is a dangerous temptation, and the way we feel when we don't get our own way is a good litmus test for whether we have been falling into it!

Lots to think about here - I'd love to hear your ideas!