Holidays...

Merry Christmas to you all from us here at in tandem. We hope you have a lovely time with family and friends celebrating the birth of Christ.

We know it is an especially busy time for those of us in full-time ministry. So, we hope you also get a chance to reflect on what God has done in sending his son for us as a baby this Christmas, and a chance to celebrate Jesus and his birthday.

We will be on holidays for a few weeks, enjoying the summer with our families and friends. We look forward to starting up again in January.

See you then!

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Married for God - Conclusion

Conclusion: The Greatest Invitation

In Ash’s conclusion, you can hear his heart for the lost and for them to respond to the gospel of grace. Using the same imagery of marriage that the bible uses, he exhorts us to desire to be part of the greatest marriage of all time:

…the story of a marriage which includes within itself the whole history and future of the human race. It is the story of God, the Lover, the Bridegroom, the Husband, and his people the Beloved, his Bride, and in the end his Wife… All of the people of God in the new heaven and new earth are the bride of Jesus Christ. That is to say, he loves them passionately, and they love him with an answering love. (p166-7)

What a great note to finish on – looking forward to the end of time, eyes fixed on our heavenly marriage, not our earthly one.


As we come to a close, it’s worth pondering who this book is for. Ash clearly wants it to be used by single people considering (or not) marriage, engaged couples preparing for marriage and married couples as they work on their marriage. Think about how you might use it in your ministry:

• together as you consider your own marriage
• as a resource for already married couples to raise their eyes as to the purpose of their relationship
• for engaged couples, to give them a solid grounding in God’s view of marriage and the importance of the relationship
• for people wanting to think ‘theologically’ about marriage
• for young people, to ensure they have a God-centred view of marriage as they approach their relationships and life choices.

I still see the need for ‘how-to’ marriage books – how to communicate, how to respect one another, the nature of commitment, etc. However, this books fills a great void in the marriage books I have read to date – God’s purpose for our marriage and how we serve him though it.

Married for God - Chapter 8

Chapter 8: What is the heart of marriage?

Up till now, we have been asking the ‘why?’ question – what is the point of sex and marriage. However, now it is time to look at the heart of marriage: faithfulness.

Our God loves us with a faithful, steadfast love:

Faithful steadfast love is the heart of marriage, for faithful steadfast love is the heart of the universe. The faithful steadfast passionate Lover God calls men and women to show faithful steadfast passionate love in their marriages. (p145)

This is a great chapter – it gets to the core of marriage and what is really important.

• Marriage is a ‘one-flesh’ union joined by God. It creates a new family unit. We must not tear apart what God has joined together. The husband or wife must not put themselves before the marriage – their career, comfort or personal fulfilment. Others also must not come between a marriage – and this includes over-involved parents and employers who want more than their ‘pound of flesh’.

• Marriage is a covenant to which God is a witness. God is present when promises are made and he holds us accountable to keep those promises.

• Marriage faithfulness excludes all rivals for life. He then follows this with reasons why adultery is very serious. It’s sobering reading: adultery is turning away from a promise, it is secretive and dishonest, it destroys the adulterer, it damages society and it hurts children. I think Lesley Ramsay added a very astute extra point when she reviewed this book– it devastates the marriage partner. Anyone who has seen the consequences of adultery first hand cannot help but agree with all of these with great sadness in their heart.

• Faithfulness in marriage is modelled on the faithfulness of God. God’s faithfulness to his people has remained strong throughout their continued rebellion and faithlessness. He is forgiving, and in showing his forgiveness for us, he has modelled true costly forgiveness that we also will need in our marriages.

• Faithfulness in marriage comes from the faithfulness of God – God is faithful and pours his grace and faithfulness into me, if I come to him and trust him. It is only through his grace that we can live this way.

What you and I need most of all is to know the steadfast faithful love of the God who has never broken a promise yet. He kept every promise he has ever made when he sent his son Jesus Christ to die in our place. He is utterly faithful and trustworthy. If we will turn afresh to him and come to him in trusting obedience, we can rest our security in his mercy. And on that basis, building on that security, we will be well placed to show faithfulness in marriage, to offer forgiveness when hurt and to welcome back with tenderness even when things are at their most painful. (p162)

Do you realise that it is faithfulness that is at the core of marriage?

Do you talk about the commitment to faithfulness in marriage preparation with couples?

Do you warn couples of the dreadful consequences (yet still sometimes tempting lure) of adultery? And then give them practical ways to flee such temptation?

Married for God - Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Is it better to stay single?

Up until now, Ash’s motto has been ‘sex in the service of God’. Here he flips the coin and asks, what about ‘no-sex in the service of God’? Where does singleness fit in. Why this is obviously a book on marriage, I was pleased to see that he included this chapter, and it’s a very helpful one.

Should those of us who are single consider remaining single in order to serve God?

There is really only one thing that absolutely needs to be said: the whole duty and calling of every human being who has ever lived is to love God with heart, soul, mind and strength. ..The only question is how we are going to love and serve God. And this is where marriage does make quite a difference. (p126)

He goes on to make 4 points:

1. Sex makes no difference to our relationship with God. It’s important to emphasise this in a society which thinks sex matters a lot.
2. We find our identity and experience love within the family of God. Marriage is not God’s answer to loneliness, but rather a relationship with God and other Christians.
3. Some will endure not being married for the kingdom of God. The fact remains that singleness for many people comes at a real cost.
4. Getting married makes life a lot more complicated. Marriage can make us anxious – it adds many more of life’s worries into our lives.

The rest of the chapter discusses some of the issues raised in 1 Corinthians 7. There is a very helpful section on the ‘gift of singleness, in which he concludes that the gift of marriage or singleness is defined by that state itself:

I know which ‘gift’ I have by a very simple test: if I am married I have the gift of marriage; if I am not married, I have the gift of being unmarried. My circumstances are God’s gracious gift to me; and I am to learn to accept them from his hand as such. (p132)

This gift may change over time. All of us start life with the gift of singleness, many but not all will have the gift of marriage and some point, and many will again end their lives with the gift of singleness.

Ash concludes by asking “Can I serve God better unmarried?’ He says no: neither better nor worse, but certainly differently. Those who marry will have to work out what it means to serve God while also putting energy into a faithful marriage and the raising (God willing) of children. Those who do not marry may grieve the loss of such relationships, but also be able to serve God more wholeheartedly, or in different ways.

So long as your proposed husband or wife shares your faith, if you are a Christian, and so long as he or she is willing to marry you, you are free to marry. You will not be closer to God if you do, and you will be no closer to God if you don’t. You will not necessarily serve God better if you do, and will not serve God better if you don’t, but you will most certainly serve God differently. (p140)