Cross cultural hospitality: an interview with Rachael

In finishing off this series on hospitality, I thought it might be helpful to think about what hospitality looks in a cross cultural context.  This week, I'll be posting thoughts about this topic from three women from three very different parts of the world.

We'll start with our very own Rachael, who I interviewed about what she has learned about hospitality in Vanuatu:

What challenges have you found in doing hospitality in a cross cultural context?

1. Food. We don't like what they eat and they don't like what we eat! This is a relatively easy difficulty to overcome. A little exposure trains our taste buds; a little time learning from other women how to prepare local food (this can fun too) and a little observation of what is served at community events reveals which of 'our' foods others are familiar with. It is not long before we can prepare food in our home that everyone will enjoy!

2. Etiquette. This is a more serious problem. What if our customs cause confusion? What if they make people feel uncomfortable in our home? Or worse, what if we cause offense? There is a whole cultural etiquette for visiting or hosting people that one learns unconsciously as one grows up. How much food to put on your plate, whether or not to take sweet foods at the same time as savory, how to signal to each other that the visit should wind up, how to say thank-you, who should eat first, where you should sit, etc, etc, etc. In a different culture, there is just as much etiquette, but it is all different!

3. Different expectations. We offered to help with accommodation for visitors during a sports event one time. In Australia, we might expect to billet one or two members of a visiting team. In Vanuatu we had one or two teams from a particular village stay in our home. The girls volleyball team all slept in the children's bedroom (the children moved in with us) and the boys soccer team slept in the lounge room.

What have been the benefits?

Undoubtedly the benefits are that in opening our house to others is sharing our lives. We get to know them and they get to know us. We stop saying 'olgeta' (them) and 'mifala' (us, exclusive) and start to say 'yumi' (we, inclusive).

What things have you learned from life in a different culture that might change the way you view and practise hospitality if you were living back in Australia?

Hospitality is about people and it takes time. I've learnt that for me, there are three reasons that it takes time .

1. Food preparation takes time. Here in Vanuatu preparation is all part of the event and we all prepare together and enjoy spending time together in the kitchen. In thinking about returning to Australia, I would either try to adopt the practise of preparing together, or should I be preparing alone, minimise the time it takes to prepare food, even getting take away. Hospitality should be about people being together, not about the food itself.

2. Keeping my house tidy takes time. I am one that struggles to keep my house tidy. I don't mind mess and I don't mind other people in my messy house. But, I have learnt that other people are uncomfortable in my messy house and this is a hindrance to hospitality. But, keeping the house in order, takes time. And I have to set aside time (and mark it in my diary) to tidy and to pack up throughout the day, each day.

3. Emotional investment in people takes time. I don't just mean face to face time talking and doing things together, I mean that such time is tiring and it takes more time to recover. I need more sleep if I am to be welcoming people into my house. I need more time to relax and recuperate.

In reflecting on all of this, I have learnt that there is a cost to hospitality that I hadn't considered before. It is not something I can squeeze in around an otherwise busy day and if we are to have an hospitable home there will be other things I cannot do. This will be difficult for me, particularly as much of the cost is 'invisible' or 'wasted' time just begging to be filled with otherwise more productive activities!

I've also learnt that hospitality is more than about time, it's about people. I think that here in Vanuatu
while there is lots of time for hospitality we make other mistakes. We can be so focused on the form of official welcome, that we do not realise how uncomfortable we have made our guests. We are so focused on doing things according to our cultural norms and expectations (so everyone else knows we can do a good job of hospitality) that we don't realise that our guests are so embarrassed that they would rather run and hide. Or we are so focused on entertaining and wooing the important, wealthy people, that we don't notice the poor old woman who has gone without food, again. I need to consider how I make the same mistakes in my own situation.

Thanks Rachael!  Tomorrow, we'll hear about hospitality in Slovenia