in tandem

book review: Help for Clergy Wives

2012-01-23T07:00:00.001+11:00

Help for Clergy Wives: How to Please Without being a Pleaser by Patricia Harper Cummings is a book full of wisdom for Clergy wives. There are practical tips about budgeting, table etiquette, finding a good mechanic and managing house-guests. There are suggestions for handling criticism, learning to say 'no' and discovering one's self-identity. There's an especially insightful chapter on 'ways that don't work' warning us against the sorts of methods we might employ to manipulate situations for our own ends. Written in short chapters and conversational prose, it is easy to read. There are even some recommended recipes at the back. Essentially this is a book about how to be that perfect minister's wife (even though she claims it isn't).

The down-side of all this advice is that some of the practical tips don't transfer across the Pacific or across generations. If she were ever to produce a second edition, I would highly recommended putting the first four chapters at the end, or as an appendix. As it is, it begins a little like a handbook for housewives and I almost didn't keep reading.

At some points I agree with her whole-heartedly;

The introductory phrase "This is the pastor's wife," used to make me cringe. That's because at one point I had allowed the role to envelope me. I, the "real" me, had somehow gotten lost in that description. As a result, I learned that I needed to redefine myself in terms of whom I am - a child of God. I needed to remember, first, last and always, who I am in Christ. An time I find that I have gotten lost along the way, I always go back to this: "Jesus Christ and him crucified." As I mediate on that phrase, I find that I am drawn back to the foundation, because my core reality and my spiritual foundation is Christ himself. I remember that the most important thing I can do for my soul's sake is to make time to bask in His presence- time spent with Jesus, the One who died for me. As I rest there, on the bosom of the resurrected Jesus, He restores my soul.

And I really like the way she structures the chapter "ways that work" around scripture; Deuteronomy 10:12-13 (note the imperatives: Fear, Walk, Love, Serve, Keep) and Luke 10:38-42 (spending time with Jesus).

At other points, I don't agree. And the two are often so mixed up I can't work out why I don't like it. For instance;

I've found it's up to me to created the boundaries I need, and [my husband] sets his own boundaries as well. No one can or will do this for us; we need to learn to say no. I've learned I have a God-given right to privacy. I have a right to space. I have a right to time. I have a right to my own calling and ministry. I have realized it is not loving to allow someone to take advantage of me or to overstep their bounds into my space. When I model that I have genuine needs, and a legitimate God-given right to them, I am modeling behavior for others who have gotten themselves into the same unhealthy mode that I did in the past. I want to be the one who models how to say "no" firmly and lovingly.

At another point she quotes from an article about Orthodox clergy wives about the wife's primary responsibility being to care for her husbands' well-being, and then goes on,

If this is even partly so, and I truly believe it is, then how much more important it is for the clergy wife to take care of herself. If she waits to find out who is going to minister to the minister's wife, she'll have a long wait. It would be nice were it otherwise, but it's not. So there you have it: it's up to you. Take care of yourself.

Ah, the language of boundaries, self-care and personal space. I loathe it but have come to understand it's necessity. Still, it feels so un-christian. I don't think I should have to say to a young wife, "Take care of yourself because no-one else will" because I think there should be a multitude of people to take care of her. Her husband, for starters, should take care of her. And her sisters in Christ (older and younger) should be looking out for her as she for them. I'd rather we say Take Care of Each Other and let's be done with the language of self-care. Maybe I'm dreaming. What do you think?

Let me also recommend that you restrict your diet of "ministry-wife" books to as often as you would eat fruit-loops. There is a certain same-ness about them and lack of theological depth that really concerns me.

10 years on...

2012-01-18T14:02:00.003+11:00

Here's a great post from Jenny reflecting on 10 years of being a "minister's wife".

Are you in the same situation? What would you say? How have your expectations changed?

Would love to know your thoughts.

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 8

2011-11-28T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 8: Feminine Faith

As this chapter begins, McCulley openly acknowledges it is an overview chapter designed to present some issues of feminine faith and to encourage us to be women fruitful for God’s glory.

Indeed it is an overview, and I found myself wanting more. As she says, there are other books on the subject – but I wanted more meat in this section. After reading about all the problems that feminism has given us, some more thoughts about how to proceed today would have been helpful.

Having said that, McCulley clearly says what needs to be said – we need to look to God’s word for our guidance in everything, and the gospel is all we need. We do not need to be recognised by the world’s standards, but loved and saved by Jesus.

I finish with the words of John Piper, which she quotes, which describe strong women, whom we all could strive to be:

…Strong women! I think they are magnificent testimonies to Christ. Because if they are complementarian…they are combining things the world can’t explain. They are combining a sweet, tender, kind, loving, submissive, feminine beauty with his massive steel in their backs and theology in their brains! (p187)

I feel this book touched on many issues and helped me understand history more and how it has affected the present, yet left me wanting more about how to live a feminine faith today. Did others feel this way?

Do any of you have any book suggestions that others who are still interested in this topic might find helpful?

Hope you have enjoyed this series, I have!

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 7

2011-11-21T08:00:00.003+11:00

Chapter 7: Raunch Culture Rip Off

This chapter is the one that many of us will find the most distressing, and yet also the most relevant. McCulley explains where the third and current wave of feminism has brought us – to today, a sex-saturated, porn-filled world where women mistakenly believe that by treating sex and their bodies as a commodity they are empowered in the process.

McCulley has done a good job of presenting the relevant issues in a discreet way. She even warns that young girls should not be reading the chapter.

A backlash has developed over recent years over this issue, and it’s not only Christians who are speaking out against it. Many others are appalled at what they see happening to women (and men), as a result of widely accessible pornography, the ‘hook-up’ casual approach to sexual intimacy, and the prevailing opinion that modesty equals shame.

One of the ways to combat this as Christians is to be open about the wonderful blessing sexual intimacy is, but within the framework of marriage alone:

We need to combat any false notions of sexuality and piety by presenting a clear and unblushing portrayal of marital intimacy. A generation that is well acquainted with the physical variations of sex needs to hear about the powerful security, attraction, and emotional freedom that attend monogamous marital fidelity. (p178)

Mothers and older women need to speak to younger women openly about the wonderful gift of intimacy in marriage and how, with the benefit of hindsight, they know the damage caused by sexual activity outside of marriage.

This is one of the issues that worries me most with my own children. We live in a sex-saturated society. I want to protect my son and daughters from it as much as possible. I know that God is in control, and some days, that is all I can cling to, as I see the world they are growing up in. I know that God is good and sovereign, but sometimes, I just want to keep them locked up until they are 25!

Things to think about:

How has the ‘raunch culture’ affected you and the way you feel about yourself?
What message do you want to pass on to younger women? Who could you pass it on to?

Next week: Chapter 8: Feminine Faith

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 6

2011-11-14T08:00:00.001+11:00

Chapter 6: The Mommy Wars

McCulley addresses the devaluing of both women (as wives/child-raisers/homemakers) and children that has occurred over the last two centuries.

It’s a long chapter and well worth reading yourself. In brief, the concept of motherhood being less valued than all other pursuits has occurred in three stages:

It began in the 19th C when the bulk of economic activity moved from farms and homes into factories. Therefore the household was no longer the workplace, but rather a place of replenishment for workers.
It continued as a form of social Darwinism, when it was claimed that child-rearing should become a professionalised collective activity. This followed from the idea that most women were unproductive and indolent.
The third stage was with Margaret Sanger, the founder of modern birth control, who believed that large families, especially from parents she deemed unfit were the cause of most evils. She believed in the possibility of a superior race and eugenics, a cause later promoted by Nazi Germany.

Then, McCulley moves from women to children:

of the myriad changes created by second-wave feminism, the most pronounced would be the movement’s unwavering commitment to abortion. (p132)

What is also clearly a result of abortion becoming legalised (or at least tolerated) in most societies, is that female feticide (the aborting of female fetuses) has cost millions of women’s lives. It is estimated that over 100 million girls should have been born in the world, but have not. 50 million of these in China and 43 million in India. For cultures that value a son much more highly than a daughter, there is now a huge disproportion between the sexes.

I remember reading an article about this a few years ago –this first generation of selective sex children are now reaching adulthood. But there are not enough wives to go around. So, you have a large group of men, with no prospective wives and a lot of excess testosterone in society. Not a recipe for peace.

McCulley then turns to briefly address some other issues, including:

surrogacy, egg and sperm donation and implications of such technology
fertility and that refusal of many to acknowledge it’s limited window

I think, as I watch younger women and the choices they make, fertility is one area where few are prepared to think about it honestly. Many women (and I include myself in this) fell for the line “You can have it all”, yet

those of us who have tried, however, know that it is not true. It may be possible to have it all, but not at the same time. (p138)

Yet I continue to watch young women in our churches mapping out their future with little idea of the reality of fertility or lack of it: “I’ll develop my career till my thirties, and get married in there, then sometime in my mid-thirties we’ll have children.”

I often have to ask young (married) women now, “Do you want to have a family, and if so, when do you plan to fit it in?” And this is not just women who would like a career, this is also women planning their life of ministry service, but thinking that having a family would be the end of their ‘ministry’. Please hear me correctly, I am fully supportive of women in jobs they like and find satisfying. It’s just that the message of ‘I can do it all’ has so permeated us as women, that often we do not stop and think ‘maybe I can’t’ until it’s too late.

She finishes the chapter with words of encouragement to mothers currently ‘in the trenches’:

I think it is easy for mothers to lose sight of the big picture when they are consumed with the daily ‘ordinariness’ of life. I hope that this chapter has helped you… to take the long view of what you are doing in training the next generation to be worshipers of God.’ (p140)

and also to older women. She encourages ‘empty nesters’ to start thinking of themselves as ‘open nesters’ – open to ministering to other people. Younger women need advice, help, guidance and instruction – from God’s word, as well as how to love their husbands, train their children and manage their home (Titus 2). There is a dearth of godly wisdom out there – for those of you who have lived it, please share it with the rest of us!

Things to think about:

If you are a mother, do you value it as a role? Why or why not?
If you are not a mother, do you value it as a role? Why or why not?
Do you / or did you think you could have it all – husband, kids, career, personal satisfaction, etc? Have you managed to?
If you are an ‘empty nester’, are you prepared to become an ‘open nester’?

Next week: Chapter 7: Raunch Culture Rip Off

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 5

2011-11-07T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 5: There’s no place like home

This chapter paints a picture showing how our idea of home has changed over time. Beginning in the time of Abraham, we are given an idea of how people lived. From those times, until the Industrial Revolution of the 19th century, the home was where both work operated from and where the family lived. Be it a farmhouse or a city dwelling operating a business; husband, wife and family would work side by side, sharing the load of supporting themselves and their business and raising their children. Our current notion of a separated home and work life would have been unheard of and unexplainable.

However, with the Industrial Revolution and increased urbanisation, men were drawn into employment into factories and offices and work and home life began to separate. Now the job of working fell to men and the job of raising children and maintaining the home fell to women. At the same time, early women’s movements claiming that women were the more loving, gentle and pious of the sexes were laying the groundwork for later feminists. Finally by the 20th C, women were the target of marketing campaigns to make their lives easier, more efficient and complete with modern appliances.

Thus the shift from the home as a place of production to a place of consumption was completed. In the new culture of consumption - bolstered by the age of advertising and the push for consumer credit - all vestiges of nineteenth century concerns with character, self-restraint, and sacrifice were gone. (p113)

The true heart of the home

McCulley makes some excellent points at the end of this chapter, so I will quote her at length:

The heart of the home is found in the relationships nurtured there and the comfort offered to one another - comfort we have first received from God, the Father of compassion, and then share with one another. (p115)

More importantly, the home is a foretaste of the eternal heaven that awaits us when Jesus returns. He did not leave us to prepare another cubicle in His Father’s office - thanks God!... It is the refuge of a home- with a place in it for each of us - that Jesus promised. (John 14:1-3) (p115)

And a final quote to encourage the many of us who consider ourselves housewives:

“Just a housewife” is a phrase our culture uses to undermine the importance of the private sphere. Though the marketplace does not value the home beyond the goods that can be purchased for it, the ministry to be found there is of immense value to the Lord. The stability of family relationships, the care of elderly or disabled family members, the discipling and training of children, the warm reception of guests, the making of a lifetime of memories, the daily modelling of biblical instruction, the fresh nourishment in an age of processed foods that contribute to our general ill health, the joy of a Christ-centred marriage - all of these have long-lasting, if not eternal, effects. (p115-116)

Things to think about:

Do you say “I’m just a housewife”, or are you able to say with pride “I’m a wife and mum”
Even if this world does not value your role, do you see the inherent value in your role?
Do you risk making your home a ‘safe haven’, rather than a welcoming home?

Next week: Chapter 6: The Mommy Wars

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 4

2011-10-31T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 4: Roll Call

As McCulley begins this chapter, she makes a helpful aside comment. Being a unmarried woman herself, she has had to think about how she can counsel married women, not having experienced it herself. She came to realise personal experience was not what was important.

We do not need the authority of personal experience to counsel one another because the bible is sufficient for this task. But we do need to know the Word. (p75)

This is a helpful reminder for us, whether we are in a position to give counsel or to receive it - it can be tempting to think “I don’t understand, I have nothing to offer”, or “She doesn’t have to live with this issue, how can she instruct me on how to live with it”. We all need to have grace don’t we?

McCulley explains how feminism led many people to believe that there were essentially no differences between men and women, a fact which has been disproved by much scientific study. Women think differently, experience emotions differently and their brains work differently.

Helper

Then, she moves to a biblical explanation of the term ‘helper’, or wife - a helper who is equal to her husband, but differed from him and complemented him.

She clearly acknowledges that “many men fall short of the humble, sacrificially loving leadership role. Many women fall short of the humble, encouraging support role too. Just because sin mars a concept does not mean it is beyond gospel redemption.” (p83, my emphasis)

In the end, McCulley concludes:

submission has more to do with our attitude towards this concept than any flawless execution of it (p84)

She will have a disposition to yield to her husband’s guidance and an inclination to follow his leadership. Her final authority is Christ and she will not follow her husband into sin, however she has a spirit of submission (summarised from Piper and Grudem, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, p61).

What then follows is a helpful discussion of the role of wife with encouragement and correction. For not only are we wives who are submissive, we are also caring sisters towards our imperfect brother who is our husband. And, in that role, we may be an encourager, a gentle rebuker, a counselor and a corrector.

Divorce

Statistics show women initiate most divorces. This is a legacy of feminism. One of the triumphs claimed by second-wave feminists was introduction of ‘no-fault divorce’. Some critics argue this is the most profound effect of feminism upon our culture:

But divorce - the dissolution of a solemn mutual contract in which your pledge your life, your honor, your name, your commitment, and your future - can be thrust upon you without your consent… The very existence of this sword of Damocles hanging over husband and wife validates the attitude that marriage is temporary and based on self-satisfaction, rather than on commitment and responsibility. (p86, quoting Phyllis Schlafly, Feminist Fantasies, p234-5)

Of course, later research has also shown that those devastated, especially economically, by divorce are women. Wonder if feminists are still quite as proud about no-fault divorce?

McCulley finishes with some practical advice for wives, gleaned from Gary Thomas. If you regularly think negatively about your husband, you are likely to be dissatisfied. If you search for strengths and affirm those, you will build him up in those areas and encourage him. Not only that: we have all married imperfect men. But let’s just remember as well, all husbands have married imperfect wives.

She finishes with this encouragement:

In marriage, it takes a lot of strength of character to be a helpmate as the Bible describes it and not bail on the marriage. But you’re not doing it alone or in your own strength. Never forget the encouragement, correction, submission, honor, respect, and appreciation that you give your husband each day are lavishly supplied by the One who is also your helper! (p90)

Things to think about:

How do you feel about the term ‘helper’?
Why do you think women initiate most divorces? (extreme circumstances aside)
Would it be helpful for you, when thinking of your husband’s imperfections, to remind yourself that he also married an imperfect wife?

Next week: Chapter 5: There’s no place like home

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 3

2011-10-24T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 3: Did God really say?

In this chapter McCulley turns to marriage. She looks at feminist views on marriage, then what Scripture has to say, and then turns to the issue of submission (some other issues of marriage are addressed in later chapters).

If you claim men are women’s chief problem, it has a way of dissuading women from marrying men…and vice versa. Therefore, it’s no surprise that feminism profoundly affected marriage rates and longevity - not to mention the definition of marriage. (p53)

The face of feminism for the 1970s was Gloria Steinem, and one of her oft quoted subjects was marriage. She made famous the expression “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle’.

As McCulley turns to a scriptural definition of marriage and how feminism has completely affected it, she turns to Andreas Köstenberger’s excellent work on the subject: God, Marriage, and Family. He speaks of a timeless battle between God and Satan, and one area where this battle is being fought is marriage and the family. It has been fought before, with chauvinism and polygamy, but now feminism is a major player. Using Köstenberger’s argument, McCulley claims:

Spiritual battles are won or lost in the day to day thoughts we harbor. Ideas matter! What we think about the purpose of marriage, the roles in marriage, and the priority of marriage matters, and it matters a great deal to God. (p59)

As daughters of Eve, we need to realize the Serpent is still among us, asking the same questions. “Did God really say…?” You can fill in the blank with your own temptations and thoughts. You may hear questions buzzing in your head about God’s definition of infidelity, motherhood, premarital sex, monogamy, the roles of men and women, the worth of a wife, the function of a family, and so on. These questions have a source - our spiritual Enemy - and an innate amplification system - our sinful hearts. And when the two mix, the results are combustible. (p60)

McCulley goes on to look at submission and Ephesians 5 in detail. I am not going to outline it here, because I would oversimplify it, and my guess is that it’s something you have already looked at before. If not, I suggest you read her work here, and research more via her references.

The next chapter will flesh out in a bit more detail how this type of marriage looks in practice.

The personal chapter about Bill and Stephanie gives a great example of true forgiveness and a willingness to follow one’s husband.

Some things to think about:

About which things are you most likely to ask, “Did God really say…?”

Next week: Chapter 4: Role Call

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 2

2011-10-17T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 2: Men aren’t the problem

In each chapter McCulley addresses different aspects of women’s lives and how competing definitions of womanhood have shaped them.

In this chapter she shows how feminism came to view men as the chief problem of women, by profiling 3 leading feminists, their attitudes towards men and how their ideas contributed to the rise of feminism.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton embodied the first wave of feminism (mid-late 1800s). She fought for women’s suffrage and marriage reform, in the midst of what seems to have been an unhappy marriage. She was also anti-Christian and had a very patriarchal view of Scripture which impacted her negatively.
Simone de Beauvoir headed up the second wave of feminism in Europe (1920s-1980s). Her book, The Second Sex (1949) is the seminal work of modern feminism. She argued women were imprisoned by the roles of wife, mother and sweetheart. She had a life-long relationship with Jean-Paul Satre that influenced the entire concept of modern marriage – they decided not to marry, but rather have an open, non-monogamous union with complete transparency. McCulley shows how de Beauvoir is a paradox, claiming women were oppressed by men, yet continuing to live in a relationship with a man who seduced women and treated them with contempt.
In the US, the second wave of feminism really arrived by Betty Friedan’s book The Feminine Mystique (1963). In it she articulates a feminine dream that suburban housewives try to live up to but cannot and therefore find themselves trapped, bored and depressed. She transformed the women’s movement. Friedan was also unhappily married, although later softened her stance against marriage.

These two waves of feminism are well noted, there is a third wave which started in the 1990’s which many of us have grown up with and our daughters will do so as well. We’ll comeback to that in chapter 7.

Sin is the problem

McCulley acknowledges that Stanton, Beauvoir and Friedan were bright, articulate women. However, she asks “were they good at comprehending their situations?”

There is real tension…the reason is sin. Our sinful actions, thoughts, attitudes, and words are the reasons for the chasm between God and human beings. Sin also separates us from one another… Being male and female is not the problem. In fact, when God created man and women, He called it very good... (p45)

women do have a problem. But it’s not men. It’s sin. Sin warps everything, including the good that God has designed in being a man or a woman. Women sin against men and men sin against women, and everyone sins against God… Sin is the reason men have oppressed women and women have usurped men….

As a movement, feminism arose because women were being sinned against. I think that is a fair argument. But feminism also arose because women were sinning in response. That’s a classic human problem: Sinners tend to sin in response to being sinned against. (p46-7)

After each chapter, McCulley includes a personal story of a woman who has worked through the issue she has presented. They add a personal touch to each issue and help us to see a way forward as the gospel impacts people’s lives.

Some things to think about:

Do you agree with McCulley’s assessment that men are not the problem, but rather sin is?
What do you think of McCulley’s statement that feminism arose as a sinful response to a sinful problem?

Next week: Chapter 3: Did God really say?

Interview with Kylie Chappell

2011-10-14T07:00:00.002+11:00

Can you tell us a bit about yourself, your husband and ministry etc?

I am Kylie Chappell, married to John, and we have 4 kids who are 12, 11, 9 & 2 years old.

We live in North Ryde, Sydney, and John is the Minister at North Ryde Anglican – we have been here nearly 5 years now. Apart from being involved in church stuff, taking care of the kids (which for me this year has meant trying to work out how to be the Mum of a High Schooler & a toddler at the same time!) I also work one day a week at the School House Museum (which is just next door) and this fits in well with everything else.

What have been some of the joys of being in ministry?

One of the best things about ministering where we are is really being part of a strong community. Our house is literally right in the middle of everything, and so we are crossing paths with people all the time – this of course helps us to get to know others (church members & non-Christians too) so much more quickly. Most of these relationships have been formed through our kid’s friends, or activities, and so we thank God for our kids and the way that God has used those opportunities through them to build up His kingdom.

It is exciting seeing local families come to understand the Gospel more and more over time – adults and kids, and watch them become more passionate about getting involved at Church and wanting to serve others in the Gospel.

What have been some of the challenges?

I guess the down side of living in a community is that I feel we are often on public view – even when we check the mailbox! This can be challenging, for myself and the kids particularly, and sometimes we miss the privacy and neighbours that come with living in a regular house.

I also find ministry life quite draining relationally as I am constantly trying to keep up with other women at church, school, playgroup, work & also family members, and sometimes all these networks can overwhelm me. It is also difficult to relate to women of all ages and stages of life all at once, when I am my unique stage of life as a busy Mum to young-ish kids.

How does partnership in serving God with your husband work out in practice for you?

I have always wanted to be a team with John in ministry and have tried to help him over the years in different ways according to our stage of life, and how old our kids were at the time. At the moment, I am involved with Women’s Bible Study groups and book groups at church, women’s outreach events, teaching Sunday School as well as hospitality for the Youth Group leaders and newcomers. We also open our home for most of the church meetings (eg Parish Council).

I also try and be a good listener for John as we talk through ministry issues – this could be late at night after meetings, or early in the mornings – who knows – ministry life is so unpredictable and surprising in a way!

What's the one piece of advice you would give to a younger woman about to become a ministry wife?

I am finding that Ministry is definitely a long haul marathon race, rather than a sprint, so it’s always good to take that long term view when you are thinking about how to spend your time and energy. Remember the various seasons of life, and try and match your expectations of what you can do for your particular circumstances – I have found that for every stage of my life there have been different opportunities in ministry, and also restrictions on my ministry, so you just need to be creative & flexible in how you serve God according to your specific situation.

Radical Womanhood - Chapter 1

2011-10-10T08:00:00.002+11:00

Chapter 1 – Dented Femininity

Carolyn McCulley starts by explaining her own personal story – from a strong feminist voice which started in her university years (early 20s) and how it was challenged, as were all parts of her life, by her conviction of her own personal sin and her acceptance of Jesus Christ as her Saviour and Lord at 30.

This is not a foreign story to many of us, whether or not we were brought up in Christian homes, or were converted as children or adults, all women today bear marks of growing up in a world dominated by feminism.

A real conviction of personal sin changed McCulley forever:

I didn’t need to reconcile my pantheon of inner goddesses. I needed to repent of my sin.

As do men.

The kicker is that feminism is partially right. Men do sin. They can diminish women’s accomplishments and limit women’s freedoms for self-centred reason. Some men sexually assault women. Some men abuse their wives and children. Many men degrade women through pornography. Feminism didn’t rise up because of fabricated offences… (p26-27)

However, she says – this is a book for women. The men can challenge each other. Her concern is what we women have absorbed from our culture about being women.

Feminism (like most other “isms”) points a finger at other people for the problems of life. But I learned that other people are not the real problem. Our sinful nature (James 4:1-3), spiritual forces of evil (Ephesians 6:12), and the lure of this present world (1 John 2:15-17) are our real problems. (p27)

Some things to think about:

How affected do you think you are by feminism?
Do you tend to think that men are the problem, or do you agree that sin really is the problem?

Next week: Chapter 2: Men aren’t the problem

New book series - Radical Womanhood

2011-10-03T08:00:00.002+11:00

Here at in tandem we are starting a new book series. We’ve looked at some practical ministry books, some books about marriage and some about Christian living. We thought it was time we looked at a book about women and feminism.

What do you think when you hear the word ‘feminist’? Do you embrace it? Run from it? Like to pick and choose parts of it? Do you understand why feminism arose and have any idea how to respond to it? Do you really even know what it is?

Next Monday, we will start working through Radical Womanhood, by Carolyn McCulley. Subtitled: Feminine faith in a feminist world, she challenges us to think through feminism, the impact it has had on the world and ourselves and how as Christian women we might respond to it.

Why don’t you join us?

If you would like to read the first chapter online, do so here. If you would like an introduction to the book by watching a 4-min video overview of feminist history by Carolyn McCulley - do so via this link.

Interview with Christine Bayley

2011-09-30T07:00:00.002+10:00

Can you tell us a bit about yourself, your husband and ministry?

Hello! My name is Christine I am married to Rod and we have three children, Harrison (8), Imogen (6) and Callum (3). I became a Christian at the age of 9 through the ministry of SUFM at Lake Tabourie. I am grateful for the people who God has placed in my life over the years to encourage me in reading the Bible, serving the church and being prepared to give an answer for the hope that I have. God’s work in me by His Spirit is slowly chipping away at my heart for self as I am being transformed into the likeness of Christ. I have experienced times of joy and pain and with God’s help am able to hold on to the hope that I have in Christ.

I grew up primarily in Campbelltown and after high school I studied Nursing. Through the work place I was constantly confronted with death, those who do not have hope in Jesus and the frailty of our mortal bodies, which stirred my heart. Rod and I married in 1996 and that covenant next to my covenant with God is my greatest love. After a couple of years of marriage Rod was encouraged to think about doing some study at Bible College. Initially we thought part time would be wise as it would help with the role he had as a youth leader and Bible study leader. As it turned out he studied full time for three years. Our years at SMBC are like gold to us. The teaching program, friendships, community and godly examples we thank God for. I did one year study (in Rod’s final year). The year after College, Rod started part-time at Chatswood Baptist we were greatly encouraged during our time at Chatswood by the senior pastor and the Christians who gathered together each week. The position, once Rod had completed his further study at Morling College (the Baptist College), was full time and after 5 years we made the move to Wollongong where we are today, this is our 5th year here. Rod has enjoyed the challenge of serving the church at Wollongong Baptist. It is a busy pace with 8 services on a Sunday. 5 ethnic and 3 English. We have a large Burmese community two of the ethnic services are in Kareni and Burmese with the others spoken in Chinese, Greek and Vietnamese. Please pray for Burma and the long time persecution there. We have a keenness to see the local church embrace, support and pray for cross cultural mission. I am currently involved in running an international playtime for preschoolers and their families, women’s bible study Thursday mornings, leading women’s ministry alongside an enthusiastic team. Hospitality to whoever God brings, hosting meetings, preparing couples for marriage with Rod, and music ministry to kids as well as occasional song leading in church. Most of all my heart is to do whatever would serve Rod best, it is a constant prayer point of mine: that I would be wise in my choices and submit to his leadership.

We are grateful to God for the privilege of loving our kids and pointing them to Jesus as we do the good works God has planned for us.

What have been some of the joys in ministry?

Knowing more of Jesus and seeing God use ordinary opportunities for his glory brings much joy to our lives. I meet approximately once a month with three other women whose husbands are in ministry (we met through SMBC) we pray for each other and enjoy lunch together. These women are a great source of encouragement to me and I thank God for each of them. Our associate Pastor’s wife is also an encouragement to me and it is a joy to pray together and care for each other in our roles. I am grateful that God has brought our families together in ministry at Wollongong Baptist. Meeting with women one to one is such a joy for me. Also seeing the lost found and helping establish good foundations – through Bible reading and prayer. Seeing non Christians come along to playtime each week and having the opportunity to know them and pray for them, that God would open their eyes so they can enjoy the living water that only Jesus gives. Seeing our children grow and be included in the lives of godly Christians who befriend and encourage them. Praying regularly with my husband for the struggles we are facing, when we feel weak and inadequate and when we feel joyous and strong. There is a wonderful joy in seeing God answer our prayers, often through His people, reminding us of our dependence on God for our lives and for the lives of our kids. It is such a joy to know we don’t have to know it all but to trust in God.

What have been some of the challenges?

Change is a big challenge for me. New things/places and people take time. I haven’t worked out the best way of coping with change but I certainly pray more when it is around - which is my best and only helpful response.

Having a young family means sleep deprivation. Which tests my role as a model for others (even if I am unsure about being that, the fact is that because of Rod’s role I am a model to others), for example, having the patient conversation, answering the phone again! Opening our home for a meeting when I am tired. My godliness is where I long to grow – this is a challenge but I pray that God would use me, stretch me and give me the grace to live graciously for Him.

How does partnership in serving God with your husband work out in practice for you?

Rod currently works from home so that has some pros and cons. It is great to have the flexibility of lunch together and afternoon tea some days when the kids are home from school. However it is hard to limit office time and to be disciplined in having a break. Although to be honest, although Rod does keep a written record of his hours – life is not really that structured or compartmentalised, we consider ‘interruptions’ the normal life. We try to have fun in the process and have found having hobbies/ playing with the kids/ eating together/ sharing our highs and lows of the day together/ doing special things for my family not just when we have visitors, these are great ways of feeling rested.

Rod and I pray together regularly – we find that our ministry opportunities are driving us more and more into praying together. We pray for couples who are preparing for marriage, couples or individuals who are struggling, for Rod’s Bible talk, for the church to grow spiritually strong, for those who come each week to church who do not know Christ, for our children their salvation and if they eventually marry their marriage partners.

My role is to be Rod’s biggest encourager – so I try to do whatever would encourage Him.

What is one piece of advice you would give a younger woman about to become a ministry wife?

Consider others greater than yourself. Love the people God gives you to serve (that includes your family). God has placed you in your situation and will provide for you all you need for life and Godliness, So don’t worry. Perfectionism is not helpful as a Christian, especially in pastoral ministry – it forces us to depend on ourselves more than God.

labour of love: the series

2011-09-22T07:00:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Alison Blake for a challenging guest series, the "labour of love". This small letter to the Ephesian Church in the book of Revelation was definitely a challenge to me! What about you?

Here is a summary of the series.

the labour of love: a reflection on Revelation 2:1-7

you've got mail: to, from, subject
the Ephesian church: persevering and pure but passionless
a warning for the Ephesians and for us
restoring our love: repent, remember, return
a promise and a prayer for those who labour

a prayer for those who labour

2011-09-21T07:00:00.001+10:00

Alison finishes her series, the labour of love, with this prayer...

Let’s pray for ourselves and for each other –

Jesus Christ, Lord of the church,

you dwell among us & know our hearts.

Always refresh us with the wonder of your love.

May our good deeds ring with gratitude,

our endurance radiate with joy,

May our doctrine be filled with warm affection,

our righteousness with sheer delight

and may our love for you ever increase.

Amen*.

* R. Piper., Ephesus And The New Humanity, Aquila, 2010

a promise for those who labour

2011-09-20T07:00:00.001+10:00

Alison concludes her series this week with some encouraging words.

Christ knows us well – we could very easily be overwhelmed in the labour of love. But he finishes his letter with a promise for those who labour in their love for him;

“To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God”. (Revelation 2:7)

Christ is lifting our eyes from visible reality to invisible reality. He wants us to know the “here and now” reality of Revelation 21 and 22 – that Christ, the lamb who was slain, is now ruling with God. He has conquered sin and death.

With this victory he has secured rewards for those who keep on labouring with love. The Greek word for conquer is “nike”, like the sports shoes. It’s all about conquering and persevering in the race, with love for Christ and those around us. If we do that, Christ promises we’ll have restored to us what Adam and Eve abandoned – we’ll eat from the tree of eternal life in the Paradise of God, not separated from him, but seated with him.

Our challenge, individually and as a church, in these last days, is to be persevering and pure in our beliefs and behaviour, taking care not to abandon our love for Christ, each other and the lost. We need to be repenting, remembering and returning to Christ as our first love.

restoring our love: returning

2011-09-15T07:00:00.003+10:00

So far in this series, the labour of love, we have heard about the Ephesian church who though pure and persevering, were passionless. We have heard the warning Christ gave them, and thought about its application in our lives and churches. Alison continues...

We’ve been considering how we can restore our lost love for Christ. We begin by repenting of our cold-heartedness towards Christ, then we start remembering why Christ is pre-eminently worthy of our love. Lastly we restore our love for Christ by “doing the the works we did at first” (Revelation 2:5).

What does that mean? Well, if we’ve abandoned the love for Christ we had at first, then “doing the works we did at first” probably means returning to the work of loving Christ, loving each other and loving the lost.We need to be women whose labour in the Lord includes the labour of loving Jesus - when life smells sweet and when it stinks; loving those who are easy and those who aren’t. The same John who wrote this letter also recorded Jesus words about the necessity of abiding, in his love and his words, in John 15. We need to be remaining in a daily, personal relationship with Jesus, marked by prayer, trust and obedience.

And what does loving each other look like? Bible passages like Ephesians 4-6, 1 Corinthians 13, Romans 12 and 2 Timothy 2 paint a picture of what the labour of love looks like in daily life. Could you meet up with a friend to read these together, then pray with and for each other, that God would grow in you a love for the saved, and for the lost. Remember, the greatest works, any work at all, minus love, equals nothing, in God’s eyes (1 Corinthians 13).

Enduring with love is only possible through the power of God’s Spirit. And so we pray - for ourselves, for our husbands and for our church. We need to be praying the same prayer Paul prayed for the Ephesians – “that, being rooted and grounded in love, we may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” (Ephesians 3)If we’re feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of repenting, remembering and returning to our first love, Christ finishes with a promise for those who labour in their love for him. Stay tuned for next week!

restoring our love: remembering

2011-09-14T13:00:00.001+10:00

Then we can move on to remembering our first love. Christ says -

“You have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen.” (Revelation 2:4-5).

And how do we remember our first love?By re-acquainting ourselves with what is precious, lovely and valuable about Jesus.

In the opening verses of Ephesians 1 and 2 Paul preaches the gospel to believers. That’s what we need to be doing - preaching the gospel to ourselves and to each other.

We need to recall and recite the Scriptures to each other, reminding us of why Jesus is worthy of our greatest passion, why he deserves first place in our affections. Why not make a point of looking out for Bible passages that remind you of how you were lost, dead in your sins and facing God’s wrath but in his great love, mercy and grace, God made you alive with Christ. And memorise them.

Passages like the vision, in Revelation 5, of Christ, the slain Lamb, remind me why I should not abandon my love for him. He is totally worthy of my love and worship because by his blood he ransomed people, like me, for God. We need to be cultivating the discipline of listening less to ourselves & talking the Scriptures more to ourselves. We need to be digesting, meditating on and preaching to ourselves Scriptures that help us remember why Christ is to always be our greatest love.

We can be praying Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:14-19, for ourselves, each other and our churches. It’s a prayer that we will have the “strength to comprehend the breadth, length, height and depth of God’s love for us and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” As God grows our grasp of his love for us, then we’ll have a growing love for him and for his Son.As we let the truths of God’s love percolate through our hearts and minds, we’ll be heating up our love for Christ, instead of letting it chill.

Even if we’ve not actually abandoned our love for Christ, I’d suggest that remembering our first love is good advice for ensuring we don’t lose our love for Christ in the future.In the next post we’ll explore the last step in restoring our first love.

restoring our love: repent

2011-09-13T07:00:00.001+10:00

So far in this series, the labour of love, we have heard about the Ephesian church who though pure and persevering, were passionless. We have heard the warning Christ gave them, and thought about its application in our lives and churches. Alison continues....

Though we may not have totally lost our love for Christ, we do need to check whether our love for Christ might need of some restoration. In verse 5 of Revelation 2, Christ calls on us to restore our first love.

I guess restoring our first love is a little like assesing the state of a well worn, much loved pair of boots as the cold, winter weather begins. The boots may be quite wearable, but perhaps they need a little restoring – just a bit of a polish on the scuff marks. Or perhaps they need major attention - re-heeling, or a new sole.

Whether our love is just off the boil, lukewarm, or chilled, we need to start by repenting of any cold heartedness towards Christ, each other or the lost. The Ephesian church was told;

“remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” (Revelation 2:5a)

If our churches are loveless, then our leaders need to lead us in repentance but repentance is also our individual responsibility. Our God is rich in mercy and grace (Ephesians 1:7, 2:4-7), so we repent, then humbly ask for, and thankfully receive, his forgiveness.

a chilling warning for us

2011-09-08T07:00:00.003+10:00

We continue Alison's series "the labour of love", reflections on the letter to the Ephesians in Revelation 2:1-7. We have considered its author, its recipients and its subject. We have heard how the Ephesian church was persevering and pure, yet passionless. We have heard the warning delivered to the Ephesians. Is it one also for us?

Churches are made up of individuals, like you and me, so our starting point needs to be ourselves.

“He who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the to the churches” (Revelation 2:7, 11, 17 etc).

We need to check the temperature of our own love for Christ, personally and as a church.

We’re all vulnerable - remember Jesus warning in Matthew 24:12? In the last days the love of many will grow cold. Labour in the Lord is demanding; looking carefully how you walk, daily, is tiring; enduring is exhausting.

As you read this many of us are persevering in a multitude of ministries. I know you want to be godly wives, grandmothers, mothers, daughters, and sisters in Christ.

You are concerned for people in your life to know Christ (your parents, extended family, children, work colleagues, neighbours, the families at play group, preschool & school) and for believers to be walking close to Christ. You want to support your husband in his life & ministry. You’re connecting with new women at church, new Christians, struggling Christians. You want to be the older woman to younger Christian women. Some of you are financially supporting your family. You are welcoming people into your home, in the midst of intensive mothering. And on top of all that some of you are leading Bible study groups, running Play Group or Junior Jivers, teaching Sunday school, school scripture, helping out at school, not to mention homemaking!

You’re persevering and pure. But are you passionless?

We’re all investing a lot of energy into serving Christ, and it is valuable ministry that, under God, will count for eternity. But our love for Christ can be a casualty in the midst of last days living.

So, we must be watchful that our love doesn’t go missing in action! Toil, patient endurance and bearing up for Christ’s sake, never makes up for a lack of love for Christ.

We may not have totally lost our love for Christ, but we do need to check whether our love for Christ might be wandering towards the freezer.

Either way, Christ calls on us to restore our first love. And that’s the subject our posts next week.

a chilling warning for the Ephesians

2011-09-06T07:00:00.001+10:00

Having assessed the health of the Ephesian church, Christ then delivers a warning that is as chilling as their love - their light will go out. Christ graciously delivers the warning with a call to repent;

“I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” (Revelation 2:5b).

In John’s vision the church is symbolised by a lampstand. Christ will turn out the lights of the church that labours without love, does not repent and does not act to recover their lost love. Yes, faithful, individual believers will remain, but like unrepentant Israel, the loveless church of Christ will lose their status as God’s people if they don’t repent.

Christ is not speaking of a renovation rescue on the church, but the very real possibility of a knock down!

Christ, the Lord of the church, will not sustain a gathering of people, in his name, whose loveless witness no longer glorifies him. He is perfectly able to build another church that will walk in love.

In Ephesus, apparently there is no longer a Christian church! What is there is a plaque commemorating John the apostle – a sobering reminder of the timelessness of his message!

Isn’t this a wake up call for “last days” people? People like us!

book review: Being a Minister's Wife and Being Yourself

2011-09-02T07:00:00.004+10:00

I enjoyed Being a Minister's Wife and Being Yourself by Nancy Pannell more than I expected to, more even than I intended to.

Nancy Pannell (also one of the contributors to this book) has over thirty-five years experience as a minister's wife. It shows. She has a cheerful wisdom that permeates all that she says. She is not afraid to ask difficult questions and is impatient with cliche and pat answers. I learnt much from her even though we don't see eye-to-eye about everything.

Her book begins with an excellent chapter on "call". She tells how she did not feel a sense of call to the ministry and was burdened by comments like,

"When God calls a man to the ministry, He also calls the wife. She may not have been listening very well. I've seen many a ministry ruined because the wife wasn't called or wasn't submissive to her call."

She goes on to explain how she came to understand from scripture that all christians are called ones. From this she develops the underlying thesis to her book,

A minister's wife should be who she is and do what she does because she is a child of God, not because she is the minister's wife.

From then she goes on to discuss children, marriage, self-identity, dragons, the real-world, relationships with other minister's-wives and other topics. I appreciated her perspective as a minister's wife who was neither a stay-at-home-Mum nor a ministry-assistant. She worked full-time even when her children were small.

Here are my quibbles.

She has a different view on headship and submission in marriage. This doesn't bother me that much as I generally expect it but I think it plays out unconsciously in much of what she says.
Of much greater concern to me was the way she proposes that we discover who we are and how we are to obey God in our lives. She advocates "Christian meditation" in order to "hear" the voice of God. Obedience then depends upon obeying this word that we may have discerned, and we need to trust that God will enable us to obey this word. I believe there are great saints in this world who have so soaked their souls with the scriptures that their minds are always full of his spirit and word that when they meditate they do hear the word of God. The rest of us should stick to meditating on the scriptures to hear God's word. Then we will know we are obeying the Spirit and not our own desires.
I don't think she dealt well enough will the issue of "wild children". She has a whole chapter on children entitled "God Didn't Know Minister's Were Supposed to Have Perfect Children" but doesn't once mention the scriptures that deal with this issue so directly (and frighteningly), I think she needed to wrestle a little more with these scriptures to share some wisdom on the subject. To be fair, I don't think any of the books I've read yet really deal with this issue.

the ephesian church: passionless

2011-09-01T07:00:00.003+10:00

we continue Alison's series "the labour of love"...

The story of the Ephesian church was one of perseverance and purity in belief and behaviour (Revelation 2:2-3). But, tragically, 40 years after the Ephesian church had been established, Christ says they’ve lost their first love;

“But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.”(Revelation 2:4)

They were passionless.

The believer’s first and primary love is for God, pre-eminently focused on love for the Son, Jesus Christ (Matthew 22:37; John 14:21; 16:27). And that love for Christ overflows in love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, and love for those who are lost from Christ.

Jesus had warned that the love of many would grow cold, in the labour of the last days (Matthew 24:12). And, the Ephesian’s love had indeed grown cold! Truth reigned, but love was in exile. This is a chilling rebuke to them from Jesus.

It is also a warning to all churches (including ours) who may have abandoned their love for him.

The Ephesian church had read Paul’s first letter to them and taken seriously the instruction not to be carried about by every wind of doctrine - but not the instruction to speak the truth in love and build themselves up in love (Ephesians 4:14-16).

I’m guessing they were no longer praying Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3.

The Ephesian church’s relationship with Christ was like a marriage gone cold – there was commitment, but no love. The bride of Christ was no longer "passionate lover" but a "dutiful wife”.*

How could a Christian church become so loveless ?

It’s probably a gradual slide. Perhaps they became proud of their heritage or the quality of their Bible teaching. When you’ve laboured for years to guard the gospel and you’ve hung on to holiness, I’m guessing it’s not hard to develop a misplaced confidence in your own spiritual stamina and worthiness. Maybe it’s only a short step from that point, to our love for God and others becoming lukewarm, and then cold.

Perhaps it’s something you relate to more than you ought. What might be some warning lights that your labour, or your church's, is becoming loveless? Perhaps an unwillingness to pray for, or show hospitality to, those who annoy or disappoint you? Maybe not wanting to engage with particular people after Sunday gatherings? Possibly a critical spirit towards others creeping into your thoughts, if not in spoken words? And what does a loveless church look like?

Having assessed the health of the Ephesian church, Christ moves on to deliver a warning that is as chilling as their love. And we’ll consider that warning next week.

* R. Piper, Ephesus And The New Humanity, Aquila, 2010, p6

the ephesian church: pure

2011-08-31T07:00:00.002+10:00

we continue Alison's series "the labour of love"...

Christ also writes commending the Ephesian Church for their purity;

"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary." (Rev 2:2-3)

They were pure in both their beliefs and in their behaviour. They walked as children of light. They hated what God hates – whether false teaching or evil living. They put up with suffering, but let no-one deceive them with empty words.

Ignatius, an early Church Father, wrote of the Ephesians that it was a church so well taught in the gospel that no unorthodox sect could gain a hearing among her members!*

Does this sound like a church you’d want to belong to and serve in? Isn’t this an impressive church! They know the truth and they have held on to it in spite of suffering. In the tough last days, they were a persevering and pure church. They are spiritual survivors!

But that’s not the full picture of the spiritual health of the Ephesian church. In the next post we’ll see what else God has to say to this church.

* Wilcox, I Saw Heaven Opened, Bible Speaks Today Commentary, p43

the ephesian church: persevering

2011-08-30T07:00:00.002+10:00

we continue Alison's series "the labour of love"...

As you read this letter to the first century church in Ephesus, keep your eyes fixed on the believers you gather with each week, because this is also a letter to you and your church.

The Ephesian church was a church with blessed beginnings. It was the church founded by Paul (Acts 18-20) and pastored by Timothy (1 Tim 1:3). Apollos, Aqila and Priscilla were ministry partners. Paul beautifully and consistently prayed for them (Ephesians 1:15-23; 3:14-19).

This was a church with a reputation for their faith in the Lord Jesus and their love toward all the saints (Ephesians 1:15).

40 years on, in his letter to the church in Ephesus, Christ writes commending them because they were persevering;

"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary."(Rev 2:2-3)

This church was toiling, but not growing weary. They were patiently enduring and bearing up under suffering for the name of Jesus.

And he commends them for it.

What about you? Are you persevering? Are we a persevering church?

you've got mail: subject

2011-08-25T07:00:00.002+10:00

we continue Alison's series "the labour of love"...

From: The Lord God and The Risen Christ

Subject: Being Church In The Last Days
Date: 1st century
To: Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicea.

Let’s think more about the subject line of this email: Being Church In The Last Days.

Ever since the coming of the Spirit, believers have been living in the final days before Jesus return. Just like the first century churches, we also are the “last days church” and like them, there are some things we need to know.

We need reminding that we’re vulnerable. Have you ever had a pest control firm do an inspection of your house and backyard? Until they “helpfully” pointed them out to you, were you unaware of the red-backs lurking under the lid of the compost bin, and in the kid’s sandpit! In these seven letters, God points out to us that we’re spiritually vulnerable. Satan is lurking among four of the churches he writes to (2:9, 13, 24, 3:9).

Satan knows Christ is on the throne, though he himself is defeated. He is still very much alive, so he turns his energies towards distracting and discouraging Christ’s church. And so we’re vulnerable - to unfaithfulness, to compromise, spiritual sleepiness and cold-heartedness. Is that a reality we’d rather not think about?

We need reminding of the reality that church in the last days is hard work. Whilst he walked on earth Jesus warned us, “Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name's sake. And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold.” (Matthew 24:9-12)

Thankfully this isn’t the full picture of church in the last days! God reassures us, right from the first chapter of his message, that the risen Christ is in our midst. In chapter 1 God paints a vivid picture reminding us of the reality that Jesus Christ is victorious. He is the one who loves us, & has freed us from our sins by his blood & made us a kingdom & priests (1:6). He is near - he grasps his church in his hands (1:16). He walks among the churches (1:20).

Christ begins each of his seven letters saying “I know” your situation – he is aware & sees the circumstances, the struggles of each of his churches. And at the end of each of the seven letters (Revelation 2-3) he reminds us that he has rewards waiting for those who endure & we’re given a vision of those rewards in chapters 21-22.

Next week, we’ll focus on just one of the letters to the churches – the letter to the church at Ephesus.

you've got mail: from

2011-08-24T07:00:00.001+10:00

we continue Alison's series "the labour of love"...

From: The Lord God and The Risen Christ

Subject: Being Church In The Last Days

Date: 1st century

To: Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicea.

This ‘email’ from John is a actually a message from God himself, “the one who is, who was and is to come, the eternally alive one” (1:4,8); and from Jesus, the inheritor of creation, the first born from the dead & the ruler of kings on earth, (1:5). As the Alpha & Omega, (1:8), the first and last, (1:17), they guide all history, and are sovereign over its beginning & end. We’re being reminded that, though the authors of this letter may no longer be humanly visible, they are very much alive, present and in control!

For the moment, Christ makes himself known via messengers but he will, one day, be coming with the clouds, & every eye will see him, (1:7), even those who pierced him. The vision John saw of Christ was of a Daniel 7-ish Son of Man – a man with all God’s power, glory & authority, (1:13-15). He’s the resurrected one, he rules over life, carrying the keys of Death & Hades, (1:18).

If there’s a King’s Speech we need to hear, this is it!

In the next post we’ll check out what’s in the subject line of this email from the Lord God and the Risen Christ.

cultural lenses and scripture

2011-08-23T19:33:00.005+10:00

I'm slowly reading through those books on being a "minister's wife" that I've mentioned. There's a not-surprisingly similar theme... that is, that a minister's wife need not conform to the elastic-backed pants and cardigan-wearing stereotype... she may be herself (and go bare-foot, hurdle hedges, wear cute shoes, have boofy hair etc.) and still be the minister's wife, even if she can't play the piano.

There's a similar story of never having expected to be the minister's wife, struggling with the conforming to the stereotype, then realising that first and foremost our identity is to be found in being a child of God and we are to live in worshipful obedience to Him (not the congregation). He has given us different gifts and we are to use the gifts he has given us to serve Him. This will be different for every minister's wife. We serve Him according to the gifts he has given us, not according to the congregation's expectations or what the last minister's wife did.

The funny thing about all this is that it reads the passages on gifts through a "western lens".

Romans 12:4-6 says,

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them...

Well I'm different to everybody else (especially I'm different from the superwoman minister's wife around the corner) and I'll use my gifts in ways that I find fulfilling thank-you very much.

Now let me explain gifts to you through a "pacific" lens.

1 Corinthains 12:4-7 says,

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

You might have gifts that are different from someone else's, but they are from the same spirit, it is the same Lord we serve, your gifts are for the good of the church, for the good of the community. They are not for you at all, but for your brother and sister. In fact, you have very little say in how they are used, but are to do exactly what you are told!

Now I've exaggerated both sides (and pray I'll be forgiven!) but it makes my point.

We read scripture through cultural lenses!

Be warned. When scripture says exactly what you want it to say, you might have to take off your glasses.

you've got mail: to

2011-08-23T07:00:00.003+10:00

Today we begin Alison's series, "the labour of love", reflections on the second letter to the Ephesians! Hang on... second letter? Confused? Read on...

This second letter to the church at Ephesus is one of seven letters at the start of the book of Revelation. If the apostle John had used email, it might have looked like this:

From: The Lord God and The Risen Christ

Subject: Being Church In The Last Days

Date: 1st century

To: Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicea.

And then in the “cc” line he may have typed the name of your church. You see, Revelation is a word given by God to Jesus Christ, who sent his angel to his servant John, who passed it on to seven churches in first century Asia Minor and then on to us.

Each of the seven letters finishes like this; “he who has an ear [that’s us!] let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches” (2:7, 11, 17, 29; 3:6, 13, 22).

The number seven communicates fullness, totality. So while each letter is a personal letter to a first century church, it is also a general letter to all churches and believers everywhere. These letters are for all Christians living in the same stage of salvation history as these first century churches – after Jesus ascension and before his return.

Do you have an ear to hear? Keep listening!

the labour of love: Revelation 2:1-7

2011-08-19T07:00:00.001+10:00

We begin Alison's series, the labour of love, next week. Here's the passage that has inspired her thoughts and reflections. You might like to meditate upon it over the weekend.

Revelation 2:1-7 (ESV):

To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: ‘The words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands.

‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary.

'But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.

'If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent. Yet this you have: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

'He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

'To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’

another interview with Alison Blake (3)

2011-08-18T07:00:00.004+10:00

Here is our last question for Alison about life and ministry.

Why do you think this series "labour of love" speaks particularly to minister's wives?

It's so easy to get caught up in the good work of serving, teaching, attending and running groups, meeting up with people, serving our families, getting the gospel out and getting it right, but leave out the love - for God, for our church family and the unsaved.

Keeping truth and love tightly knit together is so hard for us humans. And it's especially hard, I think, for those of us who have a sense of the urgency of the times, and a deep concern for the unsaved. Jesus Christ embodies both God's perfect love and perfect truth. It's by abiding in him, his Word and his love for us, that we ensure our labour is a labour of love, pleasing to God.

another interview with Alison Blake (2)

2011-08-17T07:00:00.003+10:00

In this post we continue interviewing Alison about life and ministry.

What are common pitfalls for those in full-time ministry?

A few come quickly to mind - A sense of entitlement - to a decent life, a nice home, respect, appreciation, support, thanks etc etc, because of all you do for people and for God. It's hard to maintain a servant hearted, grace-soaked ministry if you're not preaching a cross centred gospel of grace to yourself.

Over time my identity, value and worth can become tied up with my role in full time ministry, especially if I choose to be very "hands on" in ministry.

In a similar vein, if I'm competent and capable in my ministry responsibilities, and see fruit for my ministry, then there's the danger of becoming proud, and confident in my own strength. I can forget that all growth and any advance of the gospel is the work of God and the glory goes to him, not me. My prayerful dependence on God can head for the back door!

There's the danger of a hypocritical life - where you teach, encourage, preach and mouth a Christian lifestyle, behaviours and attitudes, but don't live that way in your private family life and are unrepentant about it all. I need to keep submitting myself to the Word of God, with a teachable, humble heart.

another interview with Alison Blake (1)

2011-08-16T07:00:00.005+10:00

Alison's series, the labour of love, begins next week. Because we've already interviewed her (here), we've asked her some other questions about life and ministry. We hope you enjoy her answers which we'll share with you over the week. Readers from overseas might find this Australian perspective interesting. It would be interesting to hear how things compare in your part of the world!

What do you think are the significant challenges facing the church in Australia at the moment?

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately - it's a question you start asking when you realise that you're older than many of the people around you! I have four, in no particular order -

1. The Challenge To Be "Strangers and Aliens"

There was a time, around maybe the 50's, 60's and early 70's, when, although what Christians believed was distinctly different to unbelievers, a large proportion of the unbelieving population were still hanging on to a "Christianised" lifestyle, at least outwardly.

Those days are long gone. Christians from children through to teenagers, adults and seniors, are finding that we really do march to the beat of a different drum in Australian society. Every age group in the Church family is discovering that, to live an authentic transparently Christian life, with a concern for the salvation of others, means we will feel odd, out of step, alien, uncomfortable, paddling upstream, against the tide of contemporary Australian society.

And I'm sensing that some families are feeling very uncomfortable about this. Out of a concern to preserve their Christian "standards" some are retreating from engagement with non Christians. I see more and more families retreating into the Christian ghetto or the family burrow, because it's just too much effort to teach, train and equip the family to live authentic Christian lives in the community and to engage with unbelievers without compromising the Lordship of Jesus. in the community. I see other families identifying themselves as Christians, but secular society, rather than the Scriptures, seem to be shaping their beliefs and moulding their lifestyle. I fear they may not even identify themselves as Christians in another decade. Doesn't that sound like the parable of the seed that fell among thorns?

It seems to me that, to be transparently and genuinely Christian in 21st century Australia, our families and our churches will need to be investing a lot of time, energy and emotional investment, in our adults and children, to equip and support each other to shine like stars in the dark universe.

2. The Challenge of Deliberate Discipleship

This challenge flows from the point above. I fully expect that, in his mercy, by his Spirit, through his Word, God will be at work, bringing people to faith in Christ. But many new believers, men, women and children, will have very little prior knowledge or experience of what a Christ honouring lifestyle looks like. A Christian lifestyle will be so new and unfamiliar for many. We can also expect many to be emotionally and relationally damaged and hurt. So the challenge will be to to disciple these young believers, helping them to be transformed by the renewal of their minds. This will take time, patience, energy and a large team of disciple makers. We may need to jettison or modify some of our group activities, so as to free disciples to invest deeply in people's lives, teaching and modelling a life lived for Christ.

3. The Challenge To Commit for the Long Haul, Through Rough Times

I think this is already a challenge for the church but I suspect it'll get harder. Australians (make that "humans"!) aren't good at persevering and remaining committed to either people or activities - especially when people or things are hard, unsatisfying, unfruitful, costly or uninspiring. We're constantly looking for new experiences. And that attitude infects the Christian church. I wonder if, amongst Christians, we'll see an increasing pattern of unwillingness to commit to marriages, parenting, ministries, Bible study groups, church, especially if we feel we, or our family don't get a buzz out of it, or we "aren't getting anything out of it". Aren't you thankful God doesn't treat us like that!

4. The Challenge of Gender and Humanity.

I fully expect it will be increasingly problematic for Christian churches to maintain a Biblical stand on gender, sexuality, what constitutes life, what it means to be human and made in the image of God. I'm thinking we'll find ourselves increasingly marginalised as we seek to serve the community and uphold our values and beliefs in our schools, the health, social welfare and aged care services. Sadly, I think the community will want us to keep providing our services in the healthcare and education sector, but they'll want to legislate the content and practice of our care and teaching. In politics, business and industry I think we'll find it increasingly hard to convince business and government to put people (especially the marginalised, disabled, vulnerable and refugees) ahead of politics and profits.

a girl like you (10)

2011-08-12T07:00:00.001+10:00

Lesley continues to encourage us to think about how a ministry-wife might be her husband's helper. This is her last example from her own experience.

I will support him practically. There will be things that a wife can do which will make his job that much easier (for example: running errands, dropping a Bible study book off to a new member etc.) which free him up to do what he needs to do. This may mean keeping a flexible family life and not insisting on him helping with a chore if he has had a pressured day. I could make his minis-try easier by being on top of what was happening in the family and the extended family; by keeping an open home where people felt they could drop in; by having a smooth running home; especially by freeing him up on Sunday mornings (even by ironing shirts etc.)

I certainly don’t want to infer by this that the husband becomes a king in his do-main who never lifts a finger to help around the house. Any husband worth his salt will be eager to give his life in sacrifice for his wife, just like Jesus did for the church. He will be eager to help with baths, changing nappies, and washing up.

Think.

What are the practical ways I might help my husband each day?
How might I be tempted to listen to the world on this issue?

Pray about these things.

a girl like you (9)

2011-08-11T07:00:00.001+10:00

Lesley continues to encourage us to think about how a ministry-wife might be her husband's helper. She uses examples from her own experience.

I share his ministry. I will help in the home by answering phone and entertain-ing. I will help when he leads groups, particularly women's groups; I will help in his counselling ministry; I know what he’s preaching on and may be able to sug-gest applications for women in the congregation; Jim liked me being around when he had to speak with a woman; I know the pastoral situations he’s dealing with; decisions he’s facing; and understand the nuts and bolts of his job. There is the privilege and responsibility that goes with knowing people’s personal struggles, so this will mean I will be committed to confidentiality.

Think.

How do I helpfully share in his work? How could I?
What might be the limits of what I can or should do?
How might these change in different life stages?

Pray about these things.

a girl like you (8)

2011-08-10T07:00:00.001+10:00

Lesley continues to encourage us to think about how a ministry-wife might be her husband's helper. She uses examples from her own experience.

I will pray for him and his ministry. For example: I will pray for his prepara-tion of sermons and for his preaching; for his godliness; for those tricky pastoral situations where he needs lots of wisdom; when he’s taking funerals and baptism visits; and for people he’s sharing the gospel with.

Think.

How and when can I pray for and with my husband?
What changes do I need to make in my day so that this can happen?
Write down some prayer points for him, and ask him for more.

Pray about these things.

a girl like you (7)

2011-08-09T07:00:00.001+10:00

In this last week in this series on ministry marriage, Lesley encourages us to think about how a ministry-wife might be her husband's helper. She uses examples from her own experience.

I will encourage him in his ministry. I encourage him to be faithful to Jesus, to keep on trusting God when the going gets tough. I will act as a sounding board when he needs to talk and discuss things. I can give feedback when he wants it. I will give perspective when there is criticism. I can see when he is becoming overtired and strongly urge him to take some time out.

Think.

What can I say or do to encourage my husband?
What are the signs that my husband needs encouraging? What discourages him?
Do I do or say things that discourage him? How can I change this?

Pray about these things.

She Can't Even Play the Piano by Joyce Williams

2011-08-07T18:55:00.005+10:00

Here is my first review of those ministry wife books stacked on my desk. This one was handed to my by a friend who didn't finish it but couldn't put her finger on why she didn't want to. I read to the end quite easily but could understand why she didn't. I think that some of our reaction is a cultural one coming from our Australian discomfort with affirmation. I would appreciate comments from others who have read it.

She Can't Even Play the Piano: Insights for Ministry Wives is a compilation of advice from over twenty 'older' women in ministry. It is compiled by Joyce Williams who, having entered ministry later in life, draws on the experience of women like Ruth Graham, Kay Warren (wife of Rick Warren) and Vonette Bright (who cofounded Campus Crusade for Christ with husband Bill). It's like sitting down for a chat over a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top.

It includes chapters on priorities, raising children, straying children, transitions, marriage, confidences, temptation, hurting, prayer and joy. There were all very appropriate. I appreciated that it has a broader view of ‘ministry’ than being a pastor in a church (although there was not much from a cross-cultural perspective) and was particularly challenged by what was said about prayer and temptation.

However, I found it lacking in depth. Joyce writes that one of the strengths is that “some of the contributors to this book have conflicting ideas on how to deal with certain issues”. Indeed this is a strength when it just refers to different personalities and life situations. But sometimes I found unresolved conflicting ideas and the constant affirmation shallow and frustrating and I would’ve appreciated more serious wrestling with God's word. But a book that had conflicting ideas that actually matter wouldn’t be so affirming!!

If you never get a chance to talk with older women in ministry, you will find this book encouraging. But I think the real chats over tea and toast are much more profitable.

Interview with Anya Williamson

2011-08-05T07:00:00.002+10:00

Can you tell us a bit about yourself, your husband and ministry etc?

I have been married to Mark for18 years, and for 13 of those (!), we have been in ministry at Seven Hills Anglican church. During that time we have also been blessed with 4 beautiful children, aged 12, 10, 6 and 1. Our situation is a bit unusual, in that when we started at the church, Mark was a part-time lay stipendiary worker, then later became a full time assistant minister, and was appointed senior minister about 6 years ago.

What have been some of the joys of being in ministry?

As I look back over the past 13 years, there have been so many joys in being involved in ministry at Seven Hills. I think one of the greatest joys is simply being part of gospel relationships, sharing deeply in the lives of others and seeing God change and grow people through his Word. I have especially loved being involved in the women’s ministry at our church and the opportunities and special relationships that have grown out of that. It has also been a joy to depend on God in ministry and to see his wonderful faithfulness as he works out his purposes in people’s lives, in spite of and through our weaknesses.

What have been some of the challenges?

One of the challenges for me in ministry is the temptation to lose sight of God’s sovereignty, and to feel overly personally responsible for how things are going. I also have often struggled with working out where to focus my efforts. There is such a huge smorgasbord of opportunities and sometimes frustratingly little time or energy for them. It is taking me a long time to learn contentment with my limitations. Probably the challenge that I have found most difficult, though, is learning how to love people through situations of conflict. Following Equip 2011, I have recently been reading Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker, and am thinking how useful it would have been to have read it before we embarked on full time ministry!

How does partnership in serving God with your husband work out in practice for you?

I am not engaged in any paid outside work, so, after caring for the needs of my family, I am free to be involved in ministry alongside Mark. I guess I spend most of my ‘ministry’ time on women’s ministry, including coordinating and leading the women’s Bible study groups and the women’s ministry team, but in other ways I see myself as just another member of the church – so I only attend 1 Sunday service like most people and just serve in other contexts as I am able (music, kids church etc). So I feel like Mark and I are very much together in this ministry, but my role is very different from his - it is much more flexible, and unlike him, my primary role is at home.

What's the one piece of advice you would give to a younger woman about to become a ministry wife?

I have been reading through 1 John lately, and have been struck by the reminder to “See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you” (2:24) and again later to “remain in him” (2:27). Though this is nothing new, my piece of advice for those starting out in ministry would be to make your own spiritual growth a daily priority – so, in practice, remember the cross, cultivate a rich personal prayer life and soak in God’s Word. To my shame, I can’t say I have always given this the priority it deserves, but the older I get, the clearer it is to me that this is essential for persevering in any kind of ministry.

a girl like you (6)

2011-08-04T07:00:00.003+10:00

Today, Lesley explains what it will mean for a wife to be her husband's helper.

One of the ways in which a wife will be her husband's helper involves children (but that’s another topic for another day). But in the context of Genesis 2 it is also to help in the task, the commission, the charge, that God has given him – to serve God in the garden, to guard and keep it – that is, to have responsible dominion over it.

That means that she will try to help him in his work – his responsible dominion in the world.

If her husband is a baker, she will take an interest in the bakery business, maybe help with researching new sources of ingredients, helping with the accounts, making sure his aprons and hats are white and ironed.

Now if her husband is a minister, what will her helping look like?

That's what we will explore next week.

a girl like you (5)

2011-08-03T07:00:00.002+10:00

Lesley continues by exploring what a Genesis 2 marriage looks (and doesn't look) like...

But what it will mean, to carry the car analogy further, is that in a Genesis 2 marriage, both husband and wife are in the same car, with the husband behind the wheel, both going in the same direction.

Joanna Trollope in her book “The Rector’s Wife” expresses the secular view like this (using the analogy of a boat, not a car): “I married the man not the job. I’m not an outboard motor, I’m another boat”.

What she is saying there is that I want to be independent – we will row two separate boats – he can live his life as a minister and I will live my life as a……

a girl like you (4)

2011-08-02T07:00:00.002+10:00

Last week, Lesley warned us about conforming our marriages to the pattern of marriage we see in the world around us. Now she turns to Genesis to show us the biblical pattern for marriage.

Genesis 2:18-3:1 says,

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, 'for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

This is a well-known part of the Bible, but do we realise just how counter-cultural it is? For if a wife is created to be her husbands helper, fashioned out of a very part of the husband's body, and that together they will be one flesh, then inde-pendence of goals and actions of two separate ‘fleshes’ is no longer an option.

Note two things:

I did not say independence of thought is not an option. I think thinking for yourself is an important given. In that respect we are individuals, responsi-ble for our responses to God s word, and for our behaviour.
This is Genesis 2, which is before the fall. This means that it is the ideal for two people who honour God as their King, and where sin is unknown. It is the ideal Christian marriage, it is the ideal that Christian men and women, despite our habitation in a sin-ridden world, will want to work towards.

a girl like you (3)

2011-07-29T15:08:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, Lesley warned us about the pressure on us to conform to the world. She continues...

One of the issues about which Satan will try to squeeze us, is marriage. Our culture has a take on marriage which is that two independent people come together, for sexual satisfaction and companionship. There is a legal framework for holding property in common and bearing children and inheriting. There is an agreed process about sharing possessions and going on holidays, who does what at home, etc. But essentially the husband and wife remain 2 independent people who can make their own decisions about a whole range of issues.

Independent decisions may revolve around separate bank accounts, career choices, childcare choices, even down to you do your own washing and ironing and I’ll do mine. It is like two cars travelling along the road, side-by-side, quite close, hold hands out the window, garaged in a double-car garage at night, common passengers called children who may swap happily from car to car. But they are two cars, able in their married life, to head off in two separate directions if the desire takes them, without recourse to the other.

And Paul says don’t let the world squeeze you into that mold. But instead, be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Let your minds be conditioned by the word of God, as counter-revolutionary and non-conformist, and unpopular as it is!

a girl like you (2)

2011-07-28T07:00:00.000+10:00

Lesley begins this series on ministry marriage by looking at the Bible.

I am going to begin by looking at Romans 12:1-2;

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-- this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Paul acknowledges in these few verses that there is a pressure from outside the Christian, from culture, from the media, from the world. In Paul’s terminology – this present evil age - pressures us to conform to itself in ways that are contrary to what God desires of us.

J B Phillips puts it this way, “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold.” Satan is exerting pressure on us all the time, saying ‘think this way, adopt these attitudes, behave like this; because you live in this world, you live in this culture. Its too lonely out there on a limb, thinking Christianly. Conform! Go on! Be one of us!’ And he is oh so subtle.

a girl like you (1)

2011-07-27T07:00:00.005+10:00

Over the next three weeks we have the privilege of sharing with you a series of posts adapted from a talk given by Lesley Ramsay at a Sydney Diocese clergy wives training day. She explores what biblical marriage is and helps us to think through what that might look like for a couple in full-time ministry. I was especially challenged by some of what she says and look forward to discussing it with you!

What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?

That question most often implies how did a good, wise, sophisticated woman get to be in such a questionable, brainless, dubious set of circumstances? Isn’t that the question that your non-Christian friends would like to ask you – what on earth were you thinking by becoming a minister's wife? Weren't you destined for greater things?

Being a Christian woman is bad enough for your self-esteem but being married to a male minister means death to your self-identity.

As you embark on or continue along a path of full-time ministry, its good to re-flect on your expectations and goals. What are the expectations that you have for your marriage? Where have they come from? What does your husband expect of you? But more importantly, putting to one side the expectations, what are the goals you will want to set for yourself – biblical, realistic goals?

an interview with Lesley Ramsay

2011-07-26T07:00:00.006+10:00

Before we begin our guest series from Lesley Ramsay, let's get to know her a little.

Can you tell us a bit about yourself, your husband and ministry etc?

Jim and I have been married for 41 years and he was already ordained when we married... so you can do the maths. For most of that time Jim was in pastoral ministry with the exception of the last 5 years when he headed up Evangelism Ministries, Sydney's Department of Evangelism. I trained as a school teacher before having kids and have loved the opportunity to keep teaching (kids in kids ministry and women in Bible studies and one-to-one ministry in the local church), and then further afield as a Bible teacher and evangelist. We have 4 delightful kids and nine even more delightful grandchildren.

What have been some of the joys of being in ministry?

The greatest joy must surely be that we have the privilege in partnering God in bringing lost people to maturity in Christ. God could bring people to maturity totally through his own working, but he chooses to involve us. And we see those results first hand and up-close!

What have been some of the challenges?

The big challenge is my own sinfulness - what I miss out on, from a selfish perspective, because of being in ministry... a house to call my own, a routine, privacy for my family...

How does partnership in serving God with your husband work out in practice for you?

The biggest thing we get to do as a partnership is to model to the world 'the mystery' of the relationship between Jesus and the church, and to raise a family together. I actually think that is the purpose of marriage... that together a husband and wife serve God by looking outward to serve his world by proclaiming the gospel and raising a generation that will continues that work. Flowing out of that big picture come other things... working side-by-side in the local church, training people in evangelism together, doing hospitality together, running a marriage course together.

What's the one piece of advice you would give to a younger woman about to become a ministry wife?

Don't take on more responsibility than you should - you are and your husband are not the 'saviours' in your ministry context. This is Jesus' church and he is responsible for its growth, not you!

term three on in-tandem

2011-07-25T07:00:00.000+10:00

Welcome back to in-tandem for term three.

Things have been a little quiet here over the last few weeks. It's been school holidays and some of us have been away or otherwise distracted... you might like to meet Nicole's lovely new little one.

Plans for this term include..

a guest series from Lesley Ramsay on ministry marriage
a guest series from Alison Blake, "labour of love"; reflections on the letter to the Ephesians in the book of Revelation
Rachael is hoping to review some "ministry-wife books" as she searches for one to read together here on in-tandem
more interviews... at more random intervals!

We look forward to discussing these things together and with you.

Don't forget to email about your women's ministry teams.

changing my mind: conclusion (reading)

2011-07-22T07:00:00.001+10:00

My series has touched on some difficult issues, but it has not been particularly scholarly. I have not interacted with scholars at all. To be honest, I haven't even read them. I've been too afraid to do so. I think that now, having sorted out my thoughts, I'm in a position to do some more reading. Here are a few things that I have managed to read over the years that have been helpful.

Women and the word of God by Susan T. Foh. This is quite a scholarly book and is heavy reading. She is very meticulous and thorough, looking at what the Old and New Testaments teach about women before dealing with the 'tricky' passages (1 Timothy 2:9-15, 1 Corinthians 11 & 14). She does refer to the Greek text, so be prepared. Before she looks at the bible, she first deals with the important issue of hermeneutics; how to interpret the bible. I found it slow going, but rewarding.

I can recommend 5 mp3 talks on complementarity by John Piper. These I found easy listening and very helpful. I am not entirely sure that these ones I have linked to are the same as the ones I downloaded a few years ago, but a brief perusal of the transcripts shows that they cover the same material.

This article, 1 Timothy 2:8-15, unique or normative?, by Bruce Waltke is also helpful.

If you can recommend any resources you have found helpful on this issue, please comment and let me know.

changing my mind: conclusion (questions)

2011-07-21T07:00:00.003+10:00

Not that I don't still have questions, nor is my heart always settled on the matter. I still find myself asking God, 'But why this way? Why is this the way of love?' There is still much I do not understand.

I don't understand the argument of 1 Timothy 2:13-15. 'For Adam was formed first" (2:13) sits well with me, but not "And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner" (2:14) and verse 15, 'But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety' is still problematic for me. I rather think this argument is important! I also suspect that the background in Ephesus of the cult of the godess Artemis, who was believe to preside at childbirth, may be significant in understanding this verse (but it may not).

I have other questions about 1 Corinthians 11:5, which seems to prescribe how a women ought to pray and prophesy and 1 Corinthians 14:34 which seems to proscribe it outright, according to the law! Are not gentile christians not bound to the law? What does he mean?

Then I have a myriad of questions about how to put this into practise. So do you, no doubt. I would be interested to what you think about this issue and what questions you have.

changing my mind: conclusion

2011-07-20T07:00:00.005+10:00

At the end of my journey I found myself reluctantly admitting that I really couldn't find a way to get around 1 Timothy 2:11-12 any longer. It was scriptural and authoritative (1, 2, 3, 4). It wasn't misogynistic (1, 2, 3). It wasn't situational (1, 2, 3) or cultural (1, 2, 3), and it didn't contradict Galatians 3:28 (1, 2, 3). I felt as if I had backed myself into a corner with no more ammunition. The battle was over and I had lost.

So I now feel extremely thankful to God for exposing me to those who have helped me to see this teaching as not just truthful, but also good. In his little book, What's the difference?, John Piper writes that one can commend complementarity by rational argument; by patient, detailed, careful exegetical argumentation. He goes on;

'But there is another way to commend the vision. A person also wants to know, Is the vision beautiful and satisfying and fulfilling? Can I live with it? [....] Not only must there be thorough exegesis, there must also be a portrayal of the vision that satisfies the heart as well as the head. Or to put it another way: we must commend the beauty as well as the truth of the vision. We must show that something is not only right but also good. It is not only valid but also valuable, not only accurate but also admirable.'

As one who by upbringing, education and culture, was inclined to despise the vision (even as a convert to it) I have appreciated this second step. This vision of manhood and womanhood is not just true, it is God's good and beautiful plan for his people. It is the conclusion for which I was not ready earlier (I mentioned that here), it is the way of love for women.

I hope this series has given you some food for thought. I'd love to hear what you think.

changing my mind

introduction: 1, 2, 3, 4

it's only Paul: 1, 2, 3, 4

the misogynist: 1, 2, 3

it's situational: 1, 2, 3

it's cultural: 1, 2, 3

but what about Galatians 3:28?: 1, 2, 3

How do you structure your women's ministry teams?

2011-06-29T19:18:00.003+10:00

A while ago we asked you what you would like to discuss here on in tandem.

Here is a response from one of our readers:

I would love to hear about how different people structure their women’s ministry teams and the kinds of things they do within them if that is possible.

Well we think it is definitely possible! But to make it probable we need to hear from you!

How does women's ministry work in your church? We want to hear from you.

You may or may not be involved in organising it... there may or may not be a paid women's worker... it might be big, it might be small... you might meet to pray, you might run evangelistic meetings, you might have craft nights...

Whatever it is that happens in your church to help women grow, we'd love to hear about it.

Please email us and we'll put together some posts.

And email us with other requests, too!

changing my mind: Galatians 3:28 (3)

2011-06-24T10:00:00.001+10:00

How do we reconcile 1 Timothy 2:11-12 with Galatians 3:28?

First of all, I agree that the assertions in Galatians are not absolute. There were Jews and Gentiles, male and female, slave and free. However, I do not agree that it means that there can never be distinctions made on the basis of these differences.

What the passage does mean is that all are children of God by faith. There is no difference in "saved-ness", if you like. Jews are not more saved because they are circumcised and keep the law. Freed men and women are not more saved than their brothers and sisters that are slaves. Nor are men more saved than women. There is no greater access to God for some than for others, as it may have been (or appeared) under the law. Let's have a look at the context.

In Galatians, Paul has been addressing the issue of whether the Gentiles must obey the law of Moses, particularly whether they should be circumcised. His emphatic answer is no, they need not. In fact, he argues, the law cannot give life (3:21). Life comes through faith in the promises, to those who believe (3:22). He gets emphatic: "you are all children of God through faith" (3:26), "all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ" (3:27); and then, verse 28, our verse, "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus".

We are equally saved, equally righteous, equally justified, equally freed from the guardianship and condemnation of the law. But this does not mean that everyone is the same nor that there can never be headship and submission in relationships, or different roles in the church.

Consider 1 Peter 3:1-7. In these verses Peter is encouraging wives to submit to their husbands, and husbands to be live considerately with their wives because they are "heirs with you" (3:7). Wives are co-heirs, they equally share in the inheritance of life and as such deserve respect and consideration. But at the same time, they submit to their husbands (3:1). Husband and wife are equal. This equality does not eliminate headship and submission in their relationship.

Or consider the creation accounts in Genesis chapters one and two. God created man and woman both in his image (Gen 1:27) yet the woman was created as a suitable helper for her husband (Gen 2:18-25). There is a sense in which man and woman are absolutely equal: they both carry the image of God, this is part of their very being. But this does not mean there must not or should not or can not be order in their relationship.

Finally, consider our Lord Jesus, who though being equally God, willingly submitted to his father. Order can exist (and be good and right) in relationships without denying equality of being.

Yes we are all one in Christ, there is neither male nor female. And yes, there can be headship and submission in relationships which does not minimise nor trivialise that precious equality. Galatians 3:28 does not contradict 1 Timothy 2:11-12.

changing my mind: Galatians 3:28 (2)

2011-06-23T07:00:00.001+10:00

How could I account for the contradiction between Galatians 3:28 and 1 Timothy 2:11-12? Here are two explanations I have come across, and wondered about at different times:

1. Scripture cannot contradict scripture. God is the ultimate author of scripture and he cannot contradict himself. Therefore, because 1 Timothy 2:11-12 is in blatant contradiction to the principles set forth in Galatians 3:28, it must not be scripture and therefore is not authoritative.

2. Galatians 3:28 clearly says there is not to be any difference between men and women in the church; we are all one. There is evidence (1 Timothy 5:11-15, 2 Timothy 3:6-9) that Timothy was having some trouble with the women in the church in Ephesus. Therefore, when Paul writes to Timothy he is addressing some particular situation in the Ephesian church. Because of this situation, these words are only addressed to them, not to us.

I have already addressed why I think that 1 Timothy 2:11-12 is scripture (1, 2, 3, 4), and why I think it is not situational (1, 2, 3).

So what do I make of Galatians 3:28?

changing my mind: Galatians 3:28 (1)

2011-06-22T08:36:00.008+10:00

This series has been about how I changed my mind about the roles of women and men in home and in the church, and has focused on 1 Timothy 2:11-12. I have talked about how I had thought it didn't matter what it said because it was only Paul (1, 2, 3, 4), and he was a misogynist (1, 2, 3) anyway, and because it was situational (1, 2, 3), and because it was cultural (1, 2, 3). I said that I would only address that small part of the debate surrounding those verses, but as I thought through it all, and as each one of these arguments crumbled, one question kept surfacing in my mind. What about Galatians 3:28?

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

There is now neither male nor female... how can we make distinctions in the church based on sex? Sure it doesn't mean it in the absolute sense... there were Jews and Gentiles, there were male and female and there were slaves and free. But it must mean there is to be no difference between them in the church. Just think, for instance, about how cross Paul was with Peter when he withdrew from table fellowship with Gentiles (Galatians 2)!

How could I make sense of such a contradiction? How could I reconcile these two passages?

changing my mind: it's cultural (3)

2011-06-17T16:08:00.006+10:00

I said yesterday, that at one level the argument, “it’s cultural” is a bit of a smokescreen for not thinking seriously about the text. On another level, I do think it’s worth asking the question why something written almost 2000 years ago, in a different culture, is relevant to me today.

I have argued already that these instructions were not only applicable in Ephesian situation, but that they would have applied everywhere at that time. What about now, in the twenty-first century?

Firstly, while we like to focus on how our culture and situation is different to the first century, theologically, we are the same. We are (mostly) gentiles. We are sinners. We have been chosen, redeemed, justified and adopted. We serve the living and ascended Christ. We have had the Spirit generously poured out upon us. We are part of his body, the church, living as strangers in this world and waiting for his glorious return. In all these things we are the same as the Ephesians. A word to Timothy about how that church in Ephesus should conduct itself is also a word to us.

Secondly, the reasons Paul gives for the prohibition are tied up with creation and the fall. This shows us that it is not culturally bound but has implications for all time. Let’s explore that a little more.

Genesis teaches us man and woman were created equally in God’s image and equally human. It also teaches that man was created first and woman was created for him, to be his helper. In their relationship they do not have interchangeable roles: there is order, or male headship (not male domination). But this is not only the way man and woman were created. Ephesians (5:22-33) teaches us that this is a picture of the very way Christ relates to his people, the church. Furthermore, the same picture is used in Revelation (21:1-4) to describe how one day Christ will meet and be with his people. The relationship of a man with a woman was established in creation and, until Christ returns, is a witness in the world of how Christ relates to his people. This is definitely relevant to us today.

But this is all about a man and a woman in marriage... what has it to do with the church? My honest answer to this is: it has everything to do with it, but I don’t know why. I don’t understand why it has to have an impact in the church, but I believe that it does. That’s what this passage (1 Timothy 2:11-15) teaches us; that somehow, in God’s wisdom, this pattern for how men and women are to relate, which was established in creation, is not just relevant to marriage but is also relevant to the way that church runs. It was for the Ephesian church and it is for us now.

changing my mind: it's cultural (2)

2011-06-15T13:00:00.005+10:00

What do I mean when I say, “it’s cultural”? What I thought I meant was that 1 Timothy 2:11-12 contains instructions that were culturally appropriate at that time and in that culture. Our culture is different and so we will apply it differently in our culture. We might extract principles which we ought to apply in ways appropriate for our culture, but details do not apply.

But as I've thought about this more and more, I've found that this just doesn't hold up.

Paul was not as culturally bound as I like to think. First century Jewish women were generally not instructed in their faith, and attendance at the synagogue and in Jewish rites was not encouraged (though not forbidden)*. In objecting to what Paul says about how women are to learn I miss that he is encouraging them to do so. Paul is not giving instructions according to his own cultural norms, but stepping outside of them.

There was not one homogenous first century culture. Paul was a Jew. He was writing to Timothy (whose father was Greek) about church practice in Ephesus, a city full of gentiles and thoroughly influenced by the cult of Artemis. Paul is therefore not articulating cultural norms to people with the same cultural norms. Furthermore, if women were involved as priestesses in the cult of Artemis, then this is a culture in which women were used to leading in public worship (maybe this is a word closer to us than we realise). If this is true, then Paul is speaking against cultural norms.

I am just as bound by my own culture.Why do I make such a big deal about the injustice of women not being allowed to teach? I like to think that such indignation is biblically inspired. But is it? Or is it inspired by my own cultural conditioning? I am not a completely objective being. I have been conditioned, thoroughly and at length, by my own culture. And I think that my culture is right and better than others (at least better than Paul’s). I come to this text steeped in my own culture and will naturally critique it according to my culture. Instead, I need to be critiquing my culture according to the word of God.

What I have learnt in thinking about these things, is that I did not argue “it’s cultural” because I was seriously thinking about how to interpret the bible, but because I wanted to explain why the bible contained something so objectionable to my way of thinking. I could say, “it’s just cultural” and then happily ignore it.

Despite this, I do think the question of culture is an important one for interpreting scripture and I will address that in my next post.

* C.C. Kroeger, "Women in Greco-Roman world and Judaism", (In) Dictionary of New Testament Background, IVP: Leicester, 2000.

changing my mind: it's cultural (1)

2011-06-14T07:00:00.006+10:00

Changing my mind about women in the church was not an easy process for me. My arguments were sound! But one by one they crumbled. Paul's words are God's words! He does not hate women! His instructions are not limited to those Ephesus at that time. (You can follow the earlier parts of my journey by following these links: introduction: 1, 2, 3, 4, it's only Paul: 1, 2, 3, 4, the misogynist: 1, 2, 3, it's situational: 1, 2, 3.)

I was still not sure.

So, maybe it wasn't situational. That is, I could no longer argue that the words were only applicable in Ephesus at that time (even if they did correct a particular situation in Ephesus). If the letter had been circulated around different places in the early church, it would have been just as applicable in those places: to those in Colossae, or Corinth, or Laodicea, or Rome.

But maybe it was cultural.

Practically 2000 years have passed since then. That is a long, long time. Attitudes to women were different then. Life was different for women, then. Paul was steeped in a culture in which women were not educated... no wonder he did not permit them to teach! That's fair enough in that culture, in that time.

Times are different now. Women are educated. Women are leaders in the workplace and in the community. A woman's authority is respected.

The time is right now for a woman to teach and have authority in the church. Paul wouldn't disagree with that. Not now.

on a lighter note: books for ministry wives

2011-06-10T18:45:00.002+10:00

I have a growing pile of books on my desk at the moment. They are all books by ministry wives for ministry wives. I have read one. I am half way through the second. There are another seven in the pile, and there are more on the way.

Our intention is that we'll read one together on this blog later in the year. So I'm trying to find a good one.

I need your help. Have you read any? Can you recommend any? These are the titles I have. Do you have any comments on them?

She can't even play the piano, by Joyce Williams

Being a Minister's Wife and being Yourself, by Nancy Pannell

Help for Clergy Wives: How to Please without Being a Pleaser, by Patricia Harper Cummings

Counsel for Pastor's Wives, by Diane Langberg

The Minister's Wife: Person or Position, by Marilyn Brown Oden

Heart to Heart with Pastors' Wives, by Lynne Dugan

I'm more than the Pastor's Wife: Supporting your Husband's Ministry without Losing Your Identity, by Lorna Dobson

The Pastor's Wife Today, by Donna Sinclair

One with a Shepherd: the Tears and Triumphs of a Ministry Marriage, by Mary Somerville

I'll try and post a few thoughts as I read each one (if I read each one). I'll keep you posted!

changing my mind: it's situational (3)

2011-06-10T14:46:00.006+10:00

So here goes. It's a bit longer than normal and has taken longer to prepare...

I do not think that 1 Timothy 2:11-12 is “situational” in the sense that it is only applicable in the particular situation of the Ephesian church at that time. I became convinced, over time, that the language and literary context of 1 Timothy 2:11-12 are enough, in themselves, to show that the text is not “situational”. It is not a particular command for the particular situation of the Ephesian church, but a general principle that Timothy is to apply in his particular situation. While I agree that understanding the historical situation gives us some insights into the meaning of this text, I do not agree that the text is only applicable in that situation.

Paul, in verse seven, speaks of himself as the apostle to the Gentiles (2:7). He is not only speaking as one with authority over and responsibility for the church in Ephesus, but as one who has been given the task of preaching the gospel throughout the world. From the start of this passage there is a wider outlook than just the Ephesian church.

In verse eight Paul begins to talk about what he, as that apostle, wants to happen in public prayer. He wants men to pray (2:8) and he wants women to dress modestly (2:9). He does not permit a woman to teach or have authority (2:12). These verbs (I want, I do not permit) are in the first person. They are not instructions in the second person as if he is only telling Timothy what to do in his situation. He does not say, “you, Timothy, do not permit” but “I do not permit”. He is explaining what he generally or habitually does and allows in public prayer.

This wider scope is also clear in verse eight when he speaks of what he wants men to do. He says, “I want men, everywhere”. He is not giving instructions only applicable in the Ephesian church. Now, he may have heard that the men in Ephesus were not praying as they ought. But he does not respond with an instruction specific to Ephesus, but with a general principle about what he wants everywhere, which Timothy is to apply in his specific situation in Ephesus. He does not just want the Ephesian men to pray because it is right for them, but because it is right for all men. Whether or not the women have been teaching and exercising authority in an inappropriate or domineering manner, whether or not previous involvement or leadership in the cultic worship of Artemis is in the background to this text, teaching and having authority over men is not allowed for them in Ephesus because it is not allowed anywhere.

When Paul talks about women in 2:11-12 there is no indication that he has moved from this wider context to a specific context. There is no qualification to “woman”. It is not “those” women or “the” women which might indicate a particular group in a particular situation. Paul is speaking as the apostle to the Gentiles giving his principles for public prayer.

Lastly, when Paul gives his reasons for this prohibition in 2:11-12, they are not specific to that situation. He gives two reasons: Adam was formed first (2:13); and, Eve was deceived and became a sinner (2:14), reasons bound up with creation and the fall*. These are historical and theological events which influence and impact everybody, not just those in Ephesus at that time.

And so I became convinced that while this passage speaks first to the Ephesians, it is not a word only for them. In this passage Paul, as the divinely appointed apostle to the Gentiles, speaks with authority from God about how men and women are to behave in public prayer everywhere.

*Not that this makes them necessarily easy to understand or accept!

changing my mind: it's situational (2)

2011-06-08T07:00:00.001+10:00

There is a sense in which all texts of the bible are situational. The situation or historical context in which they are written is important. Their time, place and customs do have an impact on what the human authors wrote and will have an impact how we understand and apply what they said.

Some things simply do not apply to us. For example, Paul says to Timothy;

“When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments.” 2 Timothy 4:13.

That was true and good, but we recognise that it is a personal remark from Paul to Timothy and while none the less part of God’s word, it is not relevant for us today. Upon hearing this, we do not think we ought to go to Troas, find Carpus, fetch Paul’s cloak and scrolls and deliver them to him.

Other texts we understand to apply directly to us. For example,

“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatory.” (Colossians 3:5)

While we understand that Paul was speaking to the Colossian christians, we also take it as a word directly to us. We must get rid of sin!

And there is a range of texts in the middle; we might extract principles but leave the particulars. For example,

“No widow may be put on the list unless she is over sixty”. (1 Timothy 5:9).

While we may not have a “list” nor might we insist they are over sixty, we understand that there are principles about caring for needy widows that we ought to obey. Or, when we read,

“...pray for us, that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honoured, just as it was with you.” (2 Thessalonians 3:1)

we understand that we ought to pray for evangelists and missionaries proclaiming the gospel now, not particularly for the apostle Paul.

So what about 1 Timothy 2:11-12? Is it only a word for those in Ephesus at that time? Is it “situational”?

changing my mind: it's situational (1)

2011-06-07T09:00:00.002+10:00

OK. So if Paul was a divinely appointed apostle who spoke and wrote from God with authority and if he did not hate women, if he was on the same side as Jesus, and of love, then that left me with a conclusion for which I was not yet ready.

I still had some objections to make.

Yes, these were God's words. I no longer doubted that*. But perhaps they were not God's words to me.

Paul wrote these words in a particular time, in a particular place and to a particular people. There is an historical context to these words that we cannot ignore. It is bad hermeneutics to assume that words spoken in that particular situation directly apply in our situation, even if they are divinely inspired words.

No doubt there was something going on in the church in Ephesus to which Paul responds to with these words in 1 Timothy 2:11-12. Perhaps, some women, now new converts to Christianity, had been priestesses in the worship of the goddess Artemis and therefore would be unsuitable for leadership in the new church.**

These are words for women in Ephesus at that time. God's good words for a particular situation in Ephesus; but not words for all time; not words for now, not words to me.

* There are other debates about authorship of which I was not aware at the time of this "journey" and by which I have not been convinced since, but am happy to discuss if you wish.

** This article by S.M.Baugh from the Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society discusses the cult of Artemis at Ephesus and refers to arguments about the interpretation of 1 Timothy 2:9-15.

oops - correct that reference

2011-06-03T06:07:00.002+10:00

Sorry about the incorrect reference in this post which has been corrected. Euodia and Syntyche were not in Ephesus, but Philippi.

I should have paid more attention to the thought that went "I never realised Euodia and Syntyche were in the same place as Timothy... funny I never made that connection before" instead of running away with thinking about the implications of them being so!

changing my mind: the misogynist (3)

2011-06-02T07:00:00.001+10:00

In this week's posts, I have been discussing my dismissal of 1 Timothy 2:11-12 because Paul was obviously an "oppressive misogynist" which was completely unacceptable to me. However, I began to see that Paul was not actually an oppressive misogynist. In this post I want to address the "completely unacceptable to me" part of my thinking. This really is a question of authority.

Let's for a moment forget about 1 Timothy 2:11-12 and just think of "that difficult part" (whatever it may be). What I was really saying was,

I don't need to obey that difficult part of God's word because it is unacceptable to me.

By what standard is it unacceptable? Who decided it was unacceptable?

Me. By my standards.

Is this what I do every-time I come to a difficult part of God's word? Judge it by my standards? It doesn't actually mean that... God doesn't really want me to give away all my possessions to the poor... It doesn't really matter if my children are wild and disobedient... I don't really have to give up my freedom to drink wine...

Maybe. Maybe He doesn't want me to. Maybe it doesn't mean that.

But... if it did... if He does...

Would I be willing to obey? Would I be willing instead, to let Him, by His word, judge me?

changing my mind: the misogynist (2)

2011-06-01T07:00:00.002+10:00

So, being firmly convinced that Paul was an oppressive misogynist and safely keeping my bible closed, unless I knew it said what I wanted it to say, there I stayed. For a while. Until one day I let down my guard.

It was in one of those innocuous chapters hidden away at the end of the letters and full of irrelevant greetings, that I read these words;

I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she had been a great help to many people, including me. (Romans 16:1-2)

This doesn't sound like the words of a man who hates women. It goes on...

Greet Mary who worked very hard for you. (Romans 16:6)

Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, these women who work hard in the Lord. (Romans 16:12a)

Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord. (Romans 16:12b)

My dear friend? Worked very hard? Not only does he not hate them, he commends them as servants of the church and as hard workers in the Lord. In fact, Euodia and Syntyche contended at his side in the cause of the gospel (Philippians 4:2-3). I find that as much as the label "misogynist" has missed the mark, so has "oppressive".

In his attitude toward women, Paul is not different to our Lord Jesus. They are on the same side. Just as I could no longer drive a wedge between Paul's words and the word of God, neither could I drive a wedge between Paul's attitude to women and that of Jesus.

changing my mind: the misogynist (1)

2011-05-31T07:00:00.005+10:00

Following closely from “it's only Paul, and who cares about him?” came the thought, “and he hates women anyway!”. For, in prohibiting women from teaching or having authority over men he is preventing them from exercising God-given gifts, thwarting the Holy Spirit, denying them their rights and oppressing them.

This is a serious charge... but it's a serious offense and is clearly contrary to the new commandment that we love one another (John 13:34).

Furthermore, it is different from Jesus' towards women. Jesus affirms women. He heals women (Mark 5:21-43). He teaches women (Luke 10:38-42) and praises their faith (Mark 7:24-30). He first revealed himself as the Messiah to a woman (John 4:16-27), and it was to women that he first appeared after the resurrection (Matthew 28:1-10). Women followed him, even supporting him out of their own means (Luke 8:1-3).

In denying women authority in the church, Paul is going against the Lord. Jesus affirms and loves women, Paul oppresses and hates them.

I just could not accept his teaching.

At this point, the easiest thing for me to do was to keep my bible closed. And if I had to open it, well, I keep well away from the tricky parts.

changing my mind: it's only Paul (4)

2011-05-26T07:00:00.000+10:00

Then came 2 Peter 3:15-16. This was a real turning point for me.

Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

From these verses I learned four important things.

First, Paul writes with wisdom from God. Even if I could still not accept Paul's words as the words of God, I had to admit that they are wisdom from God. Is my wisdom greater than Paul's that I know better than he what should happen in church?
Second, this is the case in all his letters. It is not just oral proclamation of the gospel in which Paul has wisdom (and authority) it is in all his letters, and that means 1 Timothy.
Third, Peter considers Paul's letters to be Scripture. Peter does not say, “His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the Scriptures”, as if Paul's letters are helpful and wise but different from Scripture; but he says, “as they do the other Scriptures”, therefore demonstrating his belief that what Paul writes in his letters is Scripture. And if they are Scripture, they come with the authority of Scripture. They are not just wisdom from God, they are the words of God.
Fourth, people did (and will) attempt to distort them.

I could no longer drive a wedge between Paul's words and the words of God.

As for 1 Corinthians 7 (mentioned here); Paul makes a valid distinction. There are some issues about which he can quote the Lord Jesus. There are other issues about which Jesus did not speak and Paul must make a judgment. But he does this as the divinely appointed apostle to the Gentiles speaking (and writing) God's words with the wisdom and authority of God.

changing my mind: it's only Paul (3)

2011-05-25T07:00:00.001+10:00

Here is the objection I alluded to yesterday...

One might argue (as I did) that the context in Galatians and 1 Thessalonians is the oral proclamation of the gospel. When Paul proclaimed the good news of Jesus Christ, he was speaking from God as a divinely appointed apostle. But, when Paul starts to write about the roles of men and women in the church, he has moved from the gospel into areas in which he does not have the same authority.

It is, therefore, no longer necessarily the word of God and therefore no longer binding on the Christian today.

changing my mind: it's only Paul (2)

2011-05-24T07:00:00.002+10:00

The question arising from yesterday's post is; do we consider the words of Paul the apostle as authoritative and binding on a Christian? Are his words the words of God? Over the years I have come to the conclusion that the answer is yes. Here's why.

The first step was a growing understanding of, and appreciation for, the nature of Paul's apostleship. In the first few chapters of Galatians, he writes;

I want you to know brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up. I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ. (Galatians 1:11-12)

But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man... (Galatians 1:15-16)

For God, who was at work in the ministry of Peter as an apostle to the Jews, was also at work in my ministry as an apostle to the Gentiles. James, Peter, and John, those reputed to be pillars, gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship when they recognised the grace given to me. They agreed that we should go to the Gentiles, and they to the Jews. (Galatians 2:8-9)

The first thing to note here is that Paul is the apostle to the Gentiles. The one I was seeking to distance myself from is the very one I ought to be listening to most. He is my apostle! Secondly, and more importantly, Paul is defending his ministry as an apostle in order to defend his authority. He is one appointed by God and, therefore, has authority from God. He does not speak from man, but speaks from God.

Furthermore, in 1 Thessalonians, Paul writes;

And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe. (1 Thessalonians 2:13).

That is, Paul speaks the very words of God.

But I was not yet satisfied with this and it was not long before an objection bubbled to the surface... more about that tomorrow.

changing my mind: it's only Paul (1)

2011-05-23T07:00:00.000+10:00

I remember returning home from church one night when I was about 16. I was so angry, that the scene and my thoughts at the time have been etched in my memory. Emotions can do that. I was in the passenger seat, feet up on the dashboard. We were going downhill from the traffic lights outside Springwood.

I was not just angry. I was furious. How dare anybody define what somebody could or couldn't do based solely upon their sex? Unjust! Primitive! Preposterous! It's not as if it's what Jesus wants... after all, it's only Paul's opinion... and who cares about that?

With all the passion of youth, that sounds quite ludicrous; of course we should care about what Paul says! However, it is worth thinking about this argument because doesn't Paul himself distinguish between his own opinion and the words of Jesus? In 1 Corinthians 7, he clearly states when commands come with authority from the Lord (7:10) and when they come from merely himself (7:12).

Therefore (I argued), when we read 1 Timothy 2:11-12, we must keep in mind that it is Paul writing. He is only human, like you and me. His words do not come with divine authority and we are not necessarily bound by them.

changing my mind: introduction (4)

2011-05-20T07:00:00.001+10:00

Secondly, let me explain how I will approach the subject. I am not going to give all the arguments for Complementarianism nor debunk all the arguments for Egalitarianism. I am simply going to explain how my opinion on one small part of that debate has changed; the small part revolving around 1 Timothy 2:11-12. For, whatever other arguments one gives in support of an egalitarian position, eventually one has to deal with these verses;

“A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.”

That is, one has to explain why the bible doesn't say what it seems to say. At face value, these verses seem to be a fairly clear prohibition (we might say it is shockingly clear). However, there are some reasonable arguments as to why they need not be applied directly today.

My approach in this series will be to explain what these arguments are and then to answer them. Argument, answer, and so on. A new argument each week. And so we will chart my own experience as each one of these pillars crumbled and I found myself wrestling not any longer with these verses but with my own heart.

changing my mind: introduction (3)

2011-05-19T09:47:00.005+10:00

Before we go any further, let me explain a few things.

Firstly, let me briefly (and loosely) explain “complementary” and “egalitarian”; the terms used to describe two of the different positions about the roles of men and women in marriage and church leadership.

An egalitarian position holds that men and women were created equal. Any difference (apart from biology) is the result of the sin and the fall. Christ affirms this equality, and the gospel proclaims it. Each individual is to serve in the church fully and according to his or her gifting. There should be no difference based on gender.

A complementarian position agrees that men and women were created equally in the image of God but asserts that there is an created and good order in that relationship, intrinsic to sex, that does not undermine that equality and that prescribes male headship within marriage and in church leadership. Christ does not do away with such order, in fact it is a picture of the very way he relates to his people.

A more thorough article on the subject can be found here.

changing my mind: introduction (2)

2011-05-18T07:00:00.004+10:00

Most people don't change their minds much. And when they do, it's not because they've thought carefully about the reasons for and against, but because they are persuaded by constant repetition of a different view.

Is this what happened to me? Did I only change my mind because a change in my circumstances meant I was persuaded by constant repetition of the opposing view? For, only few months after school I found myself living with otherwise friendly, rational young women who actually held (and lived) the position I loved to ridicule. Imagine my shock! Consider my horror to find intelligent people, at university even, who claimed the bible taught that there was a difference between men and women and that this would have an impact on their roles in everyday life and in the church.

But gradually, I came around to their point of view.

Were there actually good reasons to change my mind, or did I just come to believe and teach the same things as my new friends without thinking? Was it all just part of belonging to this new group, of going along with the new crowd? Did I just want to be liked, to enjoy their approval? Will I change my mind again given another change in circumstances?

This series arises from my desire to set out some of the reasons why I hold to the “complementary” view about women and men. It is to help me (and hopefully you) think more clearly about the arguments, to be persuaded by truth and not circumstance, and to be honest about my doubts and what I am not sure about.

I hope that you will join with me as I think through this. I only ask, given the nature of the debate, that you be gentle in your comments, with me and with each other.

changing my mind: introduction (1)

2011-05-17T07:00:00.004+10:00

Girls can do anything.

Did you learn this when you were young? I certainly did. Girls can do anything. Girls can do everything. There is nothing a girl cannot do simply because she is a girl. In fact, girls can do all the things boys can do, only better. And women can do anything men can do.

I heard it on television, in books, in the classroom, on the sports field, at home and from the pulpit. I agreed, held the view strongly and ridiculed even the possibility of an opposing view.

But I've changed my mind since then.

back on deck

2011-05-16T19:04:00.003+10:00

Here I (Rachael) am back on deck on "in tandem" again after a long cyber-silence. Our internet services here in South Santo (Vanuatu) are up and running again... and faster than ever, so I'm looking forward to blogging with you over the next couple of months. A new series starts tomorrow. Find out more then.

Cross cultural hospitality - thoughts from Chile

2011-05-13T07:00:00.001+10:00

Today, Jo Charles shares some of the things she's learned about hospitality in Chile...

Many Chileans spend Sundays with their families. Even pastors don't have people round on Sundays because that is the day they spend with their extended family. So it is sort of a big deal and a bit weird to invite someone over after church so it's hard for it not to become a big production if you ever do achieve it. I said to one mum after church one day, 'Oh, we'll have to have you round for lunch some time.' (Testing the waters, as it were.) She replied, 'Really? Why?'

In general, the folks here are less adventurous with food, so we have had some awkward moments, with children begging their parents for bread, so they can eat that instead of having to eat what we were offering. Many men leave the vegetables at the side of their plate as well. I don't typically have soft drink at home, but consumption here is extremely high. Offering my kids' schoolmates water to drink is really weird. So I often feel like I have nothing to offer, although baking is a novelty, so if I have anything homemade, that goes down well.

The best occasions have really been habitual ones, for example when we have been doing pre-marriage counselling, and have invited the couples over early enough to see the kids before bed and share supper with us. It has apparently been really valuable for them to see how we relate to our children, especially the fact that we worry less about mess and appearances, and more about heart issues. That is very culturally different, and if they can overcome their horror at the mess, and see beyond it, they find it quite revealing.

Benefits have also been to reveal what is in my heart. If it's not going well, why am I so annoyed/upset/embarrassed? What's my issue? Am I loving them or me? The fact that it is harder, means I have to love people more. It shows my lack of true mercy, and how much I need God's help to do a good job of loving people.

Cross cultural hospitality - thoughts from Slovenia

2011-05-12T07:00:00.002+10:00

Yesterday, Rachael shared what hospitality looks like in Vanuatu, and what she has learned about hospitality through being in that culture. Today's post has been written by Roni Box, who is a missionary in Slovenia. She has also been met with some challenges when it comes to hospitality in a different culture.

- Hospitality is VERY strange here. It is just weird to have anyone other than extended family come to your home (with the exception of birthday parties - and even those don't usually happen in the home). Slovenes will generally catch up with their friends over a coffee.

- Slovenia is a very works-based culture. In regards to hospitality, it means that people will not agree to come to your house unless they are prepared to invite you to their house. (If you go to someone's house, you are obliged to invite them back). And this applies to people in the church as well. They keep a tally. The first time we realised this was when we invited a family from church to our apartment for lunch and they insisted that it was their turn and so we would have to come to their house first. So we effectively (unwittingly) invited ourselves to their house for lunch by inviting them to our place twice. This is a little awkward, because we have four children, which is WAY above the national average, so it is a big ask for people to invite us to their house. One lady in our church refused to come for lunch to our house (she did come to afternoon tea though), because she lives in a very small apartment (a small kitchen plus a living/bedroom) and couldn't cook lunch for our family.

- A Slovene lunch traditionally starts with soup, then a main meal and dessert and should be ready when the guests arrive (lunch is their main meal).

- Slovene ladies keep their houses ridiculously clean. My neighbour mops her floors every day (and even the landing outside our apartments every second day). I grew up in a more relaxed, not-so-fanatically clean house. I just can't keep up with Slovene housewives, although I'm sure they can't understand why, because they all work and I am at home!

So, how have we tried to deal with these cultural norms? Here are a few things that we have done:

- We try to take things slowly with people we have just met - we ask them out for coffee first.

- We would love to be able to break the works mentality, but it is so deep. Grace is not natural. We have tried explaining that we don't have the same expectations, but usually it doesn't make much difference. It is a long process. For our friends in Ljubljana who are in a church which has had Aussie missionaries for over 10 years, the culture is changing. So we will keep inviting people and pray that God will allow them to break out of their cultural restrictions over time.

- We have found younger people are less bound by the culture. They are more likely to accept hospitality without feeling obliged to return the favour. As well, as we get to know people, we work out whether we need to do soup for them - some people are less fanatical about the necessity of soup!

- I try to have the apartment clean when we have guests over - it's still not to their standard but at least better than my norm was in Australia. (I have recently started working on cleaning one room well each day of the school week, so that hopefully the workload is not so high the night before we have guests).

- If we have people for lunch after church I try to have some things cooked either the night before or do a lot of cooking in the morning before church, so that it is mostly done when we get home.

Thanks Roni! Tomorrow, I'll share some thoughts from Jo Charles, in Chile.

Cross cultural hospitality: an interview with Rachael

2011-05-11T07:00:00.000+10:00

In finishing off this series on hospitality, I thought it might be helpful to think about what hospitality looks in a cross cultural context. This week, I'll be posting thoughts about this topic from three women from three very different parts of the world.

We'll start with our very own Rachael, who I interviewed about what she has learned about hospitality in Vanuatu:

What challenges have you found in doing hospitality in a cross cultural context?

1. Food. We don't like what they eat and they don't like what we eat! This is a relatively easy difficulty to overcome. A little exposure trains our taste buds; a little time learning from other women how to prepare local food (this can fun too) and a little observation of what is served at community events reveals which of 'our' foods others are familiar with. It is not long before we can prepare food in our home that everyone will enjoy!

2. Etiquette. This is a more serious problem. What if our customs cause confusion? What if they make people feel uncomfortable in our home? Or worse, what if we cause offense? There is a whole cultural etiquette for visiting or hosting people that one learns unconsciously as one grows up. How much food to put on your plate, whether or not to take sweet foods at the same time as savory, how to signal to each other that the visit should wind up, how to say thank-you, who should eat first, where you should sit, etc, etc, etc. In a different culture, there is just as much etiquette, but it is all different!

3. Different expectations. We offered to help with accommodation for visitors during a sports event one time. In Australia, we might expect to billet one or two members of a visiting team. In Vanuatu we had one or two teams from a particular village stay in our home. The girls volleyball team all slept in the children's bedroom (the children moved in with us) and the boys soccer team slept in the lounge room.

What have been the benefits?

Undoubtedly the benefits are that in opening our house to others is sharing our lives. We get to know them and they get to know us. We stop saying 'olgeta' (them) and 'mifala' (us, exclusive) and start to say 'yumi' (we, inclusive).

What things have you learned from life in a different culture that might change the way you view and practise hospitality if you were living back in Australia?

Hospitality is about people and it takes time. I've learnt that for me, there are three reasons that it takes time .

1. Food preparation takes time. Here in Vanuatu preparation is all part of the event and we all prepare together and enjoy spending time together in the kitchen. In thinking about returning to Australia, I would either try to adopt the practise of preparing together, or should I be preparing alone, minimise the time it takes to prepare food, even getting take away. Hospitality should be about people being together, not about the food itself.

2. Keeping my house tidy takes time. I am one that struggles to keep my house tidy. I don't mind mess and I don't mind other people in my messy house. But, I have learnt that other people are uncomfortable in my messy house and this is a hindrance to hospitality. But, keeping the house in order, takes time. And I have to set aside time (and mark it in my diary) to tidy and to pack up throughout the day, each day.

3. Emotional investment in people takes time. I don't just mean face to face time talking and doing things together, I mean that such time is tiring and it takes more time to recover. I need more sleep if I am to be welcoming people into my house. I need more time to relax and recuperate.

In reflecting on all of this, I have learnt that there is a cost to hospitality that I hadn't considered before. It is not something I can squeeze in around an otherwise busy day and if we are to have an hospitable home there will be other things I cannot do. This will be difficult for me, particularly as much of the cost is 'invisible' or 'wasted' time just begging to be filled with otherwise more productive activities!

I've also learnt that hospitality is more than about time, it's about people. I think that here in Vanuatu
while there is lots of time for hospitality we make other mistakes. We can be so focused on the form of official welcome, that we do not realise how uncomfortable we have made our guests. We are so focused on doing things according to our cultural norms and expectations (so everyone else knows we can do a good job of hospitality) that we don't realise that our guests are so embarrassed that they would rather run and hide. Or we are so focused on entertaining and wooing the important, wealthy people, that we don't notice the poor old woman who has gone without food, again. I need to consider how I make the same mistakes in my own situation.

Thanks Rachael! Tomorrow, we'll hear about hospitality in Slovenia

The Busy Christian... Conclusion

2011-05-09T08:00:00.003+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Conclusion: Finding rest in the midst of busyness

The answer to our busyness is not in routines, organisation or doing more.

The answer to our busyness is theological. Our busyness turns on how we view God.

As Christians we should expect to be busy. We give our lives to Christ and no longer claim our time as our own. But we can find rest in our busyness and joy in our labour.

More often that not, those who complain about their busyness are those who are not finding joy in God. And those who rejoice in God as the Saviour, Master, Provider, Refuge, Joy and Hope do not find their busyness a burden. (p170)

Chester suggests that at the end of the day we could pray: “God, you have been with me all day. Have I spent my time well today?”

Taking God with you into the busyness of life means:
resting on God our Saviour when we fell the need to prove ourselves
serving God our Master when we worry about other people’s expectations
trusting God our Provider when we worry about things getting out of control
making God our Refuge when we want to escape from busyness or through busyness
enjoying God our Joy when we feel the attraction of over-working for more money
waiting for God our Hope when we fell we have to make the most of life now (p170-1)

As we finish this series on busyness and you have a chance to reflect on your life and the way you live it, remember these words of Jesus:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)

Hospitality examples: extended hospitality

2011-05-04T07:00:00.025+10:00

Last week I shared some ideas which were sent to me that related to hospitality revolving around meals. But of course, hospitality can extend a lot further than meals. Here are some examples of 'extended hospitality' - hospitality that goes beyond a dinner invitation.

Phillipa

I was thinking of a couple I know who really displayed this kind of hospitality to those around them. They worked in a disadvantaged area of Australia amongst the homeless and other people of very low social status. Just about every time we would visit them they would have taken someone in to sleep on their couch, use their shower and share a meal. Sometimes this was just overnight or sometimes for a week or two until that person could find other accomodation. This was not without personal cost. They had to explain to their children when their video player was stolen numerous times, or other personal belongings were stolen. Yet they continued to share their home with others and I think really had an impact through God's grace on that area, by being so giving and hospitable and really addressing not just the spiritual needs but the physical needs of those around them.

Juliette

I've mostly been inspired by good Christian friends of ours who have had a variety of people living (yes, living!) in their home over the years because they’ve needed somewhere to live. I guess their example and God’s goodness to us in recent years (allowing us to replace our leaking asbestos roof with a whole second storey) meant that we decided to keep our 3 boys in one room and build a big guest bedroom upstairs so that we would have a spare room to offer to people who needed somewhere to stay. So far we have had a few different non-Christian friends for a night or three, my non-christian sister a few times, a few different Christian families in full time ministry (AFES, Indonesia) and currently a mum whom I first met through school who was released after 2 months in a psych ward one month ago and has been living with us ever since! This last has been by far the most challenging, not because of her schizophrenia (she’s on medication, so that is fine) but the cultural differences; specifically the washing up!! (yes, if I can’t handle it any longer, that will be why!).

Jo

We have a spare room in our house (2 actually - but one is a play room upstairs now that the 3 children are all in together). Our house is set up so that the whole family sleep upstairs where there is a full bathroom and downstairs there is a guest room and another full bathroom.

Last year we had a homeless man live with us for about 3 months. Luke and I still think it was the right thing to do, but we found it very difficult. He was a really lovely guy, but we didn't know him terribly well and were conscious of the need to protect our children. I thought a lot about the parable of the Good Samaritan and how fear isn't a good reason to leave someone in their need, so it was a good lesson in trusting God. I think it was really good for our kids, they still talk about Stephen and found it difficult when he up and left because he busted with his drinking and gambling. It was also a good chance to talk with them about addiction.

And today, a gorgeous young girl from night church has accepted our offer to stay with us while she is in between rentals. She's from England and would really love to move in with a family full-time, but we don't feel like we can offer her that. We want our spare room to be vacant often enough to meet different needs. But, she'll stay til she has somewhere else to go. I feel a bit nervous about it - my space, my time, the ease of walking around in my underwear first thing in the morning!, but again, I'll need to trust God with all of that. Luke and I will set our boundaries about being home with her - it would be very unusual for Luke to be with her on her own, but we'll make plans so that that doesn't happen. So life will be a bit more complicated for a time, but that's ok.

We have a great house, and it's all because Luke is a minister. We have space and so we want to share it. I think it's good for our kids, although for our eldest (who is much more introverted than me) I need to make sure she has opportunities to retreat. The other two love having people around as much as possible.

If you've got other examples you'd like to share, please leave a comment!

The Busy Christian... Chapter 12

2011-05-02T08:00:00.002+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness,
Chapter 12: I’m busy because I want to make the most out of life - the liberating hope of God

It’s so easy to get caught on the treadmill thinking: I have to make the most out of this life. I have to give my children every opportunity. I have to see the world.

As God has been mostly been removed from general life, our lives have become purely focussed on this life, now. No longer to people look forward to eternity or outward to see the bigger picture of God in control. Now, the focus is all me, now:

Life is no longer a brief interval in eternity. People’s horizons are entirely focused on this world. Goals have to be fulfilled in this lifetime and so each day time must be used intensively. We have secularized time. It is no longer time in eternity. It’s just time. (p156)

The truth: an eternal future

For Christians it would do us well to remember that the days will never end, there is infinite time.

In addition, we need to remember that we are sinful people living in a sinful world. Sickness, suffering, and death are a reality. Sometimes, rather than wanting to search to get more out of life, we need to accept the life that we have:

That’s the way it is. Get used to it. And don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about missing out. Some of your friends may be out late partying, jetting round the world, climbing the corporate ladder. But this is the life God has given you – and he is always wise and always good. (p159)

The truth: a better future

a better world is coming for the children of God. You don’t need to rush around having every experience going. You don’t need to ‘realise your potential’. You just need to glorify God and enjoy him for ever. You don’t need to give yourself and breakdown trying to create a perfect life. Christ has already given himself to create a perfect life. Your role is to wait patiently. What should we do about our busyness? We should wait. Wait for the eternal rest of God. (p162)

A wise heart

The Psalm for this chapter is Psalm 90 – a meditation on a wise heart.

4 For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
5 You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning—
6 though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered…
12 Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
17 May the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

Some things to think about:

Do you fall into the trap of wanting all the experiences or opportunities of this life? Is that the message you are giving to your children?
How does remembering your eternal and better future help?
Do you trust God that he has given you a good life?

Next week – Conclusion

Hospitality ideas: Meals

2011-04-27T07:00:00.047+10:00

Thanks to everyone who emailed your hospitality tips to me over the last couple of months. I have gone through them and have tried to group them into two blog posts. Today, I'm sharing the ideas that revolve around meals. There are a lot here, but I encourage you to read all of them - there are some great suggestions here!

Phillippa

I am not a confident cook nor do I really enjoy cooking (except for desserts!) but I persevere with the hospitality because I think it is very important and love the conversation and getting to connect with people. In my previous church we were mainly involved with uni age/young workers who could easily (and were keen to) come for dinner. As I had toddlers and babies at that stage (and husband doesn't cook) often I would 'cook' my 'Packet Mix Dinner'. This involved heating up a pre-made Woolies lasagna and a packet of garlic bread, and putting together a pre-packaged Woolies Caesar salad. Dessert was something tasty from the frozen desserts section (apple pie, sara lee cheesecake). I think some people were suprised I hadn't cooked but it tasted fine, and really reduced the stress esp. when having to breastfeed a baby somewhere during the meal prep. Another method we use often for our Bible study groups is to delegate out the salads and desserts - people are always happy to contribute and it lessens the burden of preparing the food.

Lunches usually involve soup in winter and salad, rolls and a BBQ chicken or BBQ meat in summer.I do keep it simple and once after serving spag bol. to a single friend he commented that it was really nice to just have normal food at someone else's house as it made him feel like we were relaxed and he was one of the family, rather than having a fancy dinner party. This was very encouraging to me and helped me realise that that was what hospitality was all about - sharing our normal lives with others, not putting on a good 'show'. I love comment somewhere on the blog that defines the difference between entertaining and hospitality - very helpful : )

Melody

I am SO excited about this series. The ladies at church recognise that we need fellowship, so they’re trying to organise women’s meetings, bible studies, fellowship teas etc. and I’m convinced we just need to get into each others’ homes. You get to know each other better across a kitchen table than eating biscuits at church! But hospitality, sadly, seems to be a practice of older generations.

We’ve found a Saturday evening works best for our family. We have three school-aged children so weeknights or Sundays don’t work that well. Saturdays are more relaxed and we can eat earlier. BBQs give something for the guys to do, and the ladies are comfortable if they feel needed in the kitchen – I don’t worry if I don’t have everything ready. The guests are always happy to toss a salad or set the table – it’s a bit of an ice breaker too.

Once people have spent a few hours with you in your home, you have created a bond and references for further conversations. This works great for school mums, neighbours, fellow church members, everyone really.

Linda

We have found it really helpful to set aside a regular and consistent time to have an open-invitation dinner - particularly to welcome internationals, but also open to other members of church. Holding it on the last Saturday night of every month at 6.30 pm @ a regular venue means that the students and workers makes it easy for the internationals to remember. For ourselves as the host, and others on our team, it means we don't always have to rethink the wheel when it comes to the best date and we (and others on our team) can organise our calendar around it, well in advance.

Making it pot-luck has been helpful as the amount of food available grows as the number of guests grows. We just supply rice (our guests are typically Chinese), drinks and disposable plates, cutlery and cups (minimal washing up).

For us, this event has meant even though some international students and workers who no longer come to the church service will come to these dinners and we are able to catch up with them there. It's also allowed easy opportunities for our guests to invite their friends and for us to meet them.

For our international ministry focus, holding two "touristy" events a year has also worked well. We try and organise trips sight seeing which people seem to have enjoyed. This has meant great opportunities for conversation during car rides and by organising transport, this really provides a cheap option for the internationals (esp. students) to do some sight seeing. We've been to Kiama, walked across the bridge from Milson's Point to Circular Quay, and taken them to Balmoral Beach. This year we plan to do the Spit to Manly walk, the Bundeena to Otford hike and perhaps a trip to the Blue Mountains or Hunter Valley. Opening this up to the rest of the church and other friends allows for further fellowship opportunities - locals with each other and locals with the internationals.

Gordon

I try to discipline myself to start the day with a cleanish kitchen. One of the things that freaks me out about having people around is wanting to offer them something or cook something and being unable to find stuff beforehand. Having the kitchen completely ready to go no matter who or how many walk through the door removes one significant anxiety about having people around. Having the rest of the house clean is a nice bonus but, as our guests can testify, fairly optional.

Louise

I'm not sure how much this helps... but because we've started somewhere new and have a newish baby we now seem to have heaps of space in the schedule for hospitality.

We have dinner on before Bible study for anyone who can make it. And we've been able to take up the opportunities like 'neighbour day' last weekend to get to know our neighbours over a BBQ.

My next plan is to have my son's kinder class over for an easter egg hunt in the holidays.

Food that's not too complex seems to relieve some of the stress and time pressure. Cooking extra earlier in the week and having something you can just pop in the oven means that I'm hopefully not too flustered.

Laura

Because my husbands work takes him out many evenings during the week, we have had to think outside the box for how and when we intentionally plan to do hospitality.

To be helpful for our particular family situation I try and think about this in 3 ways. Me and the Kids, Me and Rob and Us as a Family.

I am at home and primarily responsible for caring for our children whilst Rob is out of our home a large percentage of the week. This means that I plan to practice hospitality in the context of our kid’s weekly schedule and spend time with those people I see in that context, this is mostly with school parents, playgroup or people I see doing my weekly activities. Some ways this currently works for Me and the Kids:

- We plan to have friends from school around at our home 2 afternoons a week.

- We plan to stay at the school playground after school to get to know other parents and kids. I have often intentionally invited both Christian and non-Christian parents to stay to develop these friendships.

- I now attend our church’s playgroup, and I am finding ways during my week to cross paths with these women. I have joined the local gym and have so far seen some women there doing Pilates at the same time and catching up for coffee afterwards.

The thing I am learning over time is that hospitality is going to look different, at different seasons of our lives. For me, with young children, even though I like to have people to our home the size of our home is not always suitable for having tribes of parents and kids over. Even though some of our intentional hospitality time is spent having people over we also intentionally go to parks etc to suit the occasion. With our youngest child turning three soon we have crossed into the next stage of lots of noisy children who like to have lots of space to run around. The coffee and a biscuit morning teas in lounge rooms or cafes seems to be a thing of the past.

The other thing I am trying to get better at is being flexible. I have to be so flexible in accommodating Rob's working week that I compensate by having a very strict home routine. I need to work at not expecting the house to be tidy, kids to be well behaved and having baked goods on hand when having people in our home.

Ally

I have neglected hospitality in the past - mostly because I think I'm not very good at cooking or cleaning or any of the things required to have people in our home comfortably. I also find it difficult to know how to best serve our congregation who don't like western food or do not have much english. On top of this I don't have much energy left in the week to spend on having people over. However, I realised recently that we are doing a lot of hospitality because we are forced (by not having a church building of our own) to have Youth group (which includes dinner) and Bible Study and team meetings and also any whole church events in our home.

Our four young kids love friday night Youth because we let them stay up late to eat with the Youth. One benefit is that the kids who live on our street see what's happening and are now keen to join in! In addition some of our church members have realised that I need help with preparing for big events at our place so they pitch in cheerfully when they come over. I never have fancy meals and I always accept offers of help. I try to make it as stress-free as possible.

I suppose that this is a way of killing two birds with one stone: important ministry activities combined with a chance for hospitality in our home. I think it works for us. We certainly have all been blessed by it and now I think I'd choose to do it regardless of our church building situation!

Jo

We have people for dinner often because we plan to do it often. We have atleast ten for dinner every second Friday night because it's on the calendar. Luke's congregation are mainly single professional types, so we just gather a bunch, have a meal and play a game. We often also have people in before homegroup, or share a meal as part of marriage prep, but our Friday night dinners are on, regardless of other things.

Friday nights in our house are also pizza and movie nights, and we're fortunate that we're still at a stage that our kids are young enough so we can do both. We put the movie on at about 5.30, and they're in bed by 7.30 (although do often come down to say hello as they hear people arriving!)

We use public holidays to have a bunch over for brunch. And I enjoy having the kids around for this. As all of the guests are childless, I think they really enjoy having the kids around too.

We sometimes do Sunday lunches, but having been at the church for about a year, we realised that we really just had to focus on one group of people - even though the children and I attend one of the family services every week, Luke's focus is night church, so that is who we primarily focus on. Early Saturday night dinners are a good time for us to catch up with families with young kids so it's all over red rover by about 8pm. Aahhh.

In terms of easy dinners, we try and make our meals healthy, fuss-free and we don't serve alcohol. The thinking behind this is that if people are struggling with booze or food, we don't want that to be an issue at our place. If people bring wine, we serve it (not sure how to say thanks but no thanks without making them feel silly for bringing it ... hmmmm ... still thinking about that), but generally now people know that Luke doesn't drink anyway and so often don't bring it. We generally cook some meat on the BBQ, do a big salad, something a bit carby, and a fruit based dessert or a pavlova. We don't eat meat except for when we have friends over (that's a whole other discussion on delicacies and having whatever we want when we want ...) so we look forward to a bit of a meat feast to have with friends. This means that the cost of the meat isn't such an issue at these times.

Another thing that I think has made a difference with having people in our home is that we have a cleaner (Is that scandalous? I feel nervous even admitting it!) I don't work in paid work, but would sacrifice lots of other thing if needed to pay to have someone clean our house every fortnight. It means that our house never gets gross. You know, so gross that I think "I can't have anyone over, I'm too embarrassed". I would hate for that to be a reason for me not to open my home and there are other things that I want to do with my time. I guess it's also my experience - my mum always paid someone to clean our house growing up, so it doesn't seem that extravegant for me. I sweep the floor every night, and keep the kitchen tidy, and that's it. We don't even own a vaccuum cleaner!

If you have any ideas to make hospitality revolving around meals work better, please leave a comment! Next week, I'll share your examples of extended hospitality.

The Busy Christian... Chapter 11

2011-04-25T10:04:00.005+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness,
Chapter 11: I’m busy because I need the money – the liberating joy of God

The lie: material possessions can satisfy

Our culture says that wealth, possessions and shopping are the route to satisfaction and fulfilment. But it’s a lie. (p139)

And so easily we buy the lie. We replace “I want” or “I desire” with “I need”. I need more money. I need the latest iPhone. I need a new TV. Do we really?

Our culture is characterized by the question: ‘How can I get more?’ Christian culture should be asking the opposite question: ‘How can I give up more?’ Think about the possessions you own and the activities you are involved in. Which could you give up to release time, space and money for God’s kingdom? How could you declutter your life and your home?... We need to think of luxury as the carefreeness of having too little rather than the burden of having too much. (p143, my emphasis)

With consumerism, Christians often ask ‘What is it OK to have?’ Why instead don’t we ask ‘What’s the least I can manage with?’

For those in full-time ministry, these can just as easily be our issues. With our up-to-date gadgets, nice clothes and houses full of pretty things, sometimes we hardly look different from the pagans around us. Or, sometimes it works the other way. We justify what we have and do, knowing that it’s less than others around us – yet fail to see our own materialism. Perhaps we even tend to pride that we are “not like them”. Or do we whinge that we don’t have what they do? Yet, we are still incredibly wealthy.

Do we ask ourselves “What is the least I can manage with?”
Do you compare yourself with others (to justify yourself), or do you ask what God wants of you?

The truth: the liberating joy of God

Perhaps our problem is not that we have desires we want to satisfy, bit that we are too easily satisfied. We are far too easily satisfied with the things of this world, instead we need to believe “that we find fulfilment, satisfaction, joy and identity in knowing God, and nowhere else.” (p143)

The antidote to materialism is the promise that our true treasure is in heaven. Materialism seeks to find meaning in this world. True faith has hope in the world to come.

Some of us fall into the trap of thinking if we have more, we will be happy. Others want security, to whom God will say “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you (Luke 12:20).

And we Christians fall into both camps – we look forward to treasure on heaven, yet we also like the treasures of this world too. So we are even busier, chasing after both.

Chester issues a challenge to think about having less. This may mean choosing to work less hours or not take the promotion, in order to have more time outside of work. It may be choosing the smaller house over the larger one, so that we don’t have to work so hard to pay for that larger mortgage. It may mean no longer reading “Better Homes and Gardens” or similar, and learning to be satisfied with the home that you have.

I think this is something that those of us in ministry should be striving to model. Consumerism is so rife we hardly notice it anymore. But we need to find ways to model it that are honest. If people think we have less because we cannot afford it, we are sending the wrong message. Ministers (at least those in the Western world) are generally not poor, we are paid enough to live on (and often much more than that). We need to be able to explain why we choose to spend less on some things, it’s a choice. Most ministry families who cry “poor me” have little understanding of true poverty.

How do you explain your financial choices to others?
How do you explain your financial choices to your children? (ie. We can’t afford it, or we choose to spend our money on other things?)
How can you remind yourself that our true riches are in heaven? Do you truly believe it?

A pure heart

The Psalm for this chapter is Psalm 73 – a meditation on a pure heart.

1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked...
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny...
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Next week – Chapter 12: I’m busy because I want to make the most out of life

A culture of hospitality - implications for our churches

2011-04-20T07:00:00.000+10:00

The importance that the Bible places upon hospitality has implications not only for pastors and their families but also for the rest of us in the congregation.

Firstly, and most obviously, there is the challenge to the rest of us within the congregation (which includes me these days!) to open up our homes and practise hospitality too. The NT expectation that pastors will be hospitable does not imply an expectation that congregation members will be unhospitable.

Secondly, I think it means that those of us who are members of a congregation need to support our pastors in their practice of hospitality and take it seriously as an integral part of their job. This might mean providing suitable accomodation to make hospitality work better, making sure they are renumerated for the cost of hospitality, and (when we are the beneficiaries of their hospitality!) being thankful guests.

Can you think of any other ways members of a church could encourage a pastor's family to practice hospitality? And what are some ways that those in pastoral ministry could encourage congregation members to practice hospitality too?

The Busy Christian... Chapter 10

2011-04-18T08:00:00.005+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Chapter 10: I’m busy because I prefer being under pressure – the liberating refuge of God

The lie: I work better under pressure

Do you tend to operate under this assumption? “I need the deadline to get motivated, I do my best work at the last minute.” Yes, sometimes, there’s a crisis and we just have to attend to it, but most of the time, we work to the last minute because we procrastinate.

Sometimes our procrastination is obvious like when we play solitaire on the computer. And sometimes we spend our time doing good things. We answer letters. Visit friends. It looks like we’re being diligent. We note all the important things we’re getting done. But if we would only be honest with ourselves, they’re all ways of putting off the task before us. (p127)

Procrastination tends to have three stages:

It’s not due yet – I have plenty of time
It’s crunch time – I have a right to neglect all my other responsibilities
I’ve finished the job – I have a right to reward myself

Do you recognise this pattern in yourself?

One of the things that adds to procrastination is that we tend to confuse urgency with importance. We deal with things according to urgency rather than importance. An ability to judge between the two will mean that important tasks are prioritised over unimportant urgent ones. I do like his point here:

Spend your time contributing to God’s kingdom the things God has equipped you to do. At the same time, be servant-hearted. Just because something is unimportant to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to other people. (p129)

The common excuse of “I work better under pressure” ignores the reality that we have no problem doing the tasks we enjoy.

More importantly, it ignores the harmful impacts of our procrastination. Children go without parents, wives without husbands. Corners are cut. Co-workers are stressed. Others pick up our responsibilities. Our bodies are strained. And tired minds make us more susceptible to anger, resentment, jealousy and frustration. (p129)

There are two underlying causes of procrastination:

My pleasure – we procrastinate because we prioritise our pleasure. We avoid doing what we don’t want to do.
My pride – we procrastinate because our pride is threatened. Faced with a difficult task, we avoid it and to easier things to bolster our self-confidence. So procrastination can be a form of escapism.

Do you tend towards procrastination? What do you do when you procrastinate?
Is it your pride or your pleasure that tends to cause procrastination?
Do you tend to confuse urgent with important?
Is this an issue in your ministry? Does sermon preparation in your home always happen on Saturday nights? Do you always miss days off because tasks have not been completed earlier in the week? Can you address this issue with your husband?

The truth: God is my refuge

What should we do:

Repent “Acknowledge procrastination for what it is: self-deception, selfishness, escapism, pride...Turn from self back to God. Accept your responsibilities as he has given them to you” (p131)
Place your faith in God as your refuge. “We take refuge in all the things that make up our procrastination when we should take refuge in God.” (p131)

Another lie: Busyness is a refuge

We can be busy in one area of our lives as a way of hiding from problems in another area... We fill our lives with commitment and activities to avoid facing issues. (p132)

More work can seem attractive when life at home is hard. We can have a very-full diary to avoid having that difficult conversation. We need to make sure we are not using our inherent busyness to avoid things in our lives.

Are you using the excuse of busyness to avoid dealing with other issues?

An unshaken heart

The Psalm for this chapter is Psalm 62 – a meditation on an unshaken heart.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge. (v5-8)

Next week – Chapter 11: I’m busy because I need the money

The Busy Christian... Chapter 9

2011-04-11T08:00:00.003+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Chapter 9: I’m busy because otherwise things get out of control – the liberating rule of God

The lie: I can be in control

In this modern age, we tend to believe we are in control. We control nature – managing crops, healing diseases, the date of our baby’s arrival. We control our time – with planners and schedules.

The lie we fall for is that we can do everything and solve every problem, we just need to squeeze it all in. Yet,

The reality is that we are finite. Only God is infinite. Only God is truly in control. We think the solution is a course on time management. But the solution is recognizing that we are human and God is God. (p113)

The truth: the liberating rule of God

Why do some people get work so out of perspective? It could be because deep down they think that God either cannot or will not provide. Jesus warns of the same lack of faith in Luke 12, where he says the lilies do not work, yet God clothes them.

Labour is good, but labour which betrays a lack of trust in God’s ability to provide for his children is idolatrous. (p114)

Are you busy because you worry life will get out of control? Jesus says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Luke 12:25)

Constant work is the behaviour of someone who things everything depends on them. Rest is the behaviour of someone who looks to God to provide. (p115)

A note about sleep

Chester challenges the assumption in Christian circles that it is more godly to get up early to pray that it is to sleep. He rightly asserts that we want to be prayerful people and those who turn to God’s word. However, why is it that we have decided that sleep is what should be sacrificed for prayer? When you lose sleep regularly, you are tired and when you are tired, you are grumpy, irritable and less patient – in essence, more sinful. A little suggestion from Chester – if you want to pray, turn off the TV.

I found this point extremely helpful. For years I have felt I should get early up every morning to pray, and have tried it from time to time. However, I cannot sustain it and I just feel guilty. Thanks to this book, I have embraced my need for sleep, and yet still found time in the day to pray. What do you think?

Trusting God for others

Another version of I’m busy because otherwise things get out of control is this: I’m busy because people need me. However, the reality is, we cannot solve everyone’s problem, nor are we indispensable. The simple fact is – I am not the Messiah and I am not anyone’s Saviour.

We do have a responsibility to serve and love others. We are to give until there is nothing left to give. But, then we are to stop. We cannot do more than we can do. And, we must remember that conversion is God’s job. Yes, we preach the message and we do it faithfully and wholeheartedly, but salvation and judgment are God’s work.

A restful heart

The Psalm for this chapter is Psalm 127 – a meditation on a restful heart. I’ll leave you with verses 1-2:

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Things to think about:

My guess is that this is a prevalent reason amongst ministry wives – the feeling that ‘If I don’t do it, it won’t get done’. Do you feel this way?
Do you try to be other people’s saviour?
Do you truly believe that you are not indispensable?
Do you find it hard to trust that God really is in control?

Next week – Chapter 10: I’m busy because I prefer being under pressure

Boundaries and hospitality

2011-04-06T07:00:00.001+10:00

Hospitality is an integral part of the pastor's role, woven into the pattern of everyday life. But this is not to say that a pastor’s everyday, habitual hospitality ought to be a boundariless hospitality. The very concept of hospitality relies upon the possession of some sort of space or family or home that you can invite others into; if you have no boundaries then you have no home (or marriage or family), and the possibility of hospitality evaporates altogether. God's own hospitality is perfectly gracious, but his house still has doors.

Edith Schaeffer comments:

A family is a door that has hinges and a lock. The hinges should be well-oiled to swing open the door during certain times, but the lock should be firm enough to let people know that the family needs to be alone part of the time, just to be a family... It seems that there is a danger of having a door so open that there might just as well not be doors, so that there is no shelter at all to be entered. (What is a Family?, pp. 183-184).

Of course, it will depend on your family and circumstances where these lines will need to be drawn. If young and vulnerable children are involved the boundaries will be tighter, whereas (say) a share house of young men might have wider boundaries when it comes to issues of risk and safety.

As well as thinking about safety, I suspect there also comes a point where we need to make decisions regarding boundaries in order to preserve the general health of our family and home. Sometimes we need to ask our guests to leave at a certain time so that we can get some sleep, if we are to serve others joyfully and effectively the next day. You may be an introvert who gets exhausted from continual draining conversations and runs the risk of getting burnt out and depressed. Maintaining a healthy family probably requires that some nights of the week are 'family nights', set aside for maintaining healthy, close relationships within the family. All of these are things that need to be taken into consideration.

Having said all this, I suspect that for many of us (including me) the talk about boundaries can be a bit theoretical - an excuse for not opening the door in the first place, rather than a practical problem that arises from opening it too wide or too often. But if we are going to get serious about getting the hinges on the door working and opening it up a bit more often, we do need to make some resolves about the lock as well, so that we don't embark on a flurry of unsustainable hospitality before collapsing in a heap after a few weeks, or sucking the life out of our family, so that it is not a place of joy for anyone to enter.

The Busy Christian... Chapter 8

2011-04-04T08:00:00.004+10:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Chapter 8: I’m busy because of other people’s expectations – the liberating fear of God

We feel expectations from other people – our bosses, our friends, our family, our church. We have a mental list of all the things we should be doing, and we feel either guilty or too busy (and most likely both).

Chester refers to the 80/20 rule – that is, we get 80% of our output from 20% of our input. Why not settle for most things being 80% fine, instead of spending a lot more time increasing things to 90 or 100%.

He issues a challenge for the preachers amongst us. Let’s say you take 4 hours to get a sermon 80% as good as it could be. Yes, more time will be a better sermon, but it make take another 4 hours to get it to 90%, and even longer to get to 100% (if you could get there!).

Why not settle for 80% and spend those hour hours doing something else? We should give God 100% of our lives, but that doesn’t mean every sermon has to be 100%. We need to view the ministry as a whole and think about how our time is best used. The point is we are finite and cannot do everything at 100%.... So, why don’t we settle for 80%? Because we fear other people’s disapproval. And so we become perfectionists and perfectionism makes you very busy. (p102)

What do you think about this? I’m not sure I fully agree, but I do see his point. I would not be keen for my husband or the other preachers at our church to consistently think that 80% good is good enough. Not all the time anyway. But note he only say 80% as good as it can be, not 80% as true or biblical as it can be! I suspect each would have to analyse your own reaction to this. If one tends to perfectionism, this could be exactly what they need to hear. If one tends toward under-preparing sermons, this would not be for them!

The lie: other people matter more than God

If I am doing more that I can to meet other people’s expectations then we are saying that other people’s approval matters more to me than God’s.

The bible calls this the fear of man.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. (Prov 29:25)

Fear of man can have many symptoms including susceptibility to peer pressure, a concern with self-esteem, comparing yourself to others, fear of being exposed and telling small lies to make yourself look good. But another symptom can be over-commitment and finding it hard to say ‘no’ when wisdom suggests you should.

What is the real lie here? The underlying idol is self – when we need approval and affirmation from other people, in effect we are wanting them to worship us.

Do you worry about what others think about you?
Do you say ‘yes’ because people expect you to? Do you do so that that people might like you, respect you and trust you? Do you do it to feel important?

The truth: God alone is my master

The answer is repent of our idolatry and turn to God… We need to fear God… To hear God is to respect, worship, trust and submit to God. The fear of God is the response to his glory, holiness, power and wrath. The fear of the Lord is recognising that he is so awesome, powerful, holy and good that we should serve and worship him more than anything else or anyone. (p104)

The fear of God is actually liberating:

When faced with a choice between pleasing a person and pleasing God, we know that we will want to please God. (Matthew 10:28). We are no longer controlled by other’s expectations, but the expectation of God. Of course we still serve other people, but we are not slaves to them.
God promises to care for those who fear him (Psalm 34:7-9, Psalm 27:1-3). No one is bigger than God.

A victorious heart

The Psalm for this chapter is Psalm 18 – a meditation on a victorious heart. This Psalm helps to remind us that the Lord is our rock (v1-3), that God is a powerful and amazing (v6-15) and he cares for us (v16-19), and that, in the end, we are on the side of victory (v28-50).

God can set you free from the tyranny of other people’s expectations. He can set you free to live with him alone as your Master. (p111)

Do you fear men more than you fear God?

Next week – Chapter 9: I’m busy because otherwise things get out of control.

Loving the Pastor's Wife

2011-04-01T08:00:00.001+11:00

Loving the Pastor's Wife

This article by Mark Driscoll was posted at the Resurgence blog last week.

Have a read...

What do you think?
Does it fit with your experience?
Reading this, are you thankful for the support you get?
Or alternatively, do you struggle with contentment with your situation having realised this is not your experience?

Hospitality: Family ministry

2011-03-30T07:00:00.001+11:00

The requirement to be hospitable will affect a pastor's whole family, since it involves opening his home to others. Helping him to do that will be an important way a pastor's wife can support her husband's ministry. Somewhere deep down, I suspect that many of us still harbour the assumption that a pastor's role is merely a job he has which (like any secular job) will not and should not impinge on his family life or marriage. This is not an assumption that sits well with the Bible’s picture of pastoral ministry.

Whilst there are some obvious problems with the 'two for the price of one' mentality (the assumption that the pastor’s wife should automatically be the one to run the women's ministry, set up the creche, etc, etc), I do think the Bible describes the ministry of pastoral oversight as a wholistic ministry of teaching, love and example that will involve a costly commitment of time and labour for the pastor's wife and family. It is hard to “share your life” with people whilst excluding them from your home!

If hospitality is one of things that a pastor ought to do, this also means that the pastor needs to create time in his week so he can do hospitality with his family. Hospitality should not be crowded out by all the other things that come with the job. In our years at Petersham Baptist, there were times when Dave had so many meetings and other responsibilities in his week that we struggled to do hospitality properly. Looking back, we realise that we should have said no to some things in order to create time in our week for hospitality.

What lessons have you learnt (from your own experience, or from what you've seen in others) about how to do that? How can we resist the structures and temptations and tendencies that crowd out hospitality, or that set up 'ministry' as something that takes place everywhere but in the home?

The Busy Christian... Chapter 7

2011-03-28T08:00:00.004+11:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Chapter 7: I’m busy because I need to prove myself – the liberating rest of God

The lie: justification by work

In removing God from society, we have forgotten grace. We no longer work (and rest) to glorify God, rather we work, and find value in, the work itself.

“The pressure of time in everyday life is not primarily the result of the development of clocks and watches. More significant were changes in world-view leading to a less God-centred and grace-based approach to life in favour of a more man-centred and work-justifying attitude.” (quoting Robert Banks). This creates the drive to work and work and work. Your identity depends on it. And so we work on, even though it is harming our health, our families and our relationships. (p90)

The concept of the purpose of work has also changed, one used to be able to measure work by the service it brought to God and others. No more, it is now measured by the self-fulfilment it brings, the satisfaction I get from it:

Work is judged not by the service it renders to others, but by the service it renders to me, the worker. (p91)

We are supposed to seek jobs that satisfy us and meet our needs. We are somehow driven to feel that unless we are busy, our lives are not worthwhile or important enough.

Chester then makes some helpful points for those of us in ministry. He notes that those who work the longest hours are often the most insecure, they feel the need to prove themselves. He also gives a warning:

Don’t tell people you are busy. If you tell people you’re busy what they will hear is, ‘I don’t have time for you.’ (p94).

How true that is. Do you find people say to you, “I didn’t want to bother you because I know you are busy.” Partially it’s a misguided assumption that you are important, so you must be busy (which Chester talks about on p93). However, some of it is our own fault – we project busyness, we look busy, we tell people how tired we are, and we struggle to fit them into our diary for 2-3 weeks.

How do you manage this? Do you find yourself hinting to people just how busy you are? Why – do you want to look important? Do you want people to think you are doing your job properly?
What risks are there in this lie for those of us in ministry?

The truth: justification by grace

Jesus offers rest from the burden of self-justification:

We are accepted by God… I am a sinner saved by grace and all I contribute to that identity is the sin bit. (p95)

A still heart

Chester goes on to examine what a still heart looks like in Psalms 130 and 131. At the end of each of these chapters, he turns to a Psalm and applies it to the passage. They are very helpful and I recommend you read them yourself to get the full value.

…with the Lord is unfailing love and full redemption (see Ps 130:7). Unfailing and complete. His love never runs out and his salvation is wholly adequate. Every act of self-justification is a denial that with the Lord there is full redemption. We act as if Christ’s death goes so far, but we somehow need to be busy completing the job with our petty attempts to self-atone. We act as if God’s love will fail if we are not busy proving ourselves worthy. Unfailing love and full redemption set us free from self-justifying busyness. (p97)

I leave you with Psalm 131 to reflect on:

1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Next week – Chapter 8: I’m busy because of other people’s expectations

Interview with Deborah

2011-03-25T08:00:00.007+11:00

Interview with Deborah*

1. Can you tell us a bit about yourself, your husband and ministry etc?

I have been married to Jon for 13 years and we have two boys Ollie (7) and Simeon (4). I spent most of my childhood and teenage years in India where my parents taught at a school for missionary children. I am so grateful that I have never known a time when I have not loved Jesus, and grateful to my parents that they modeled to me a humble, compassionate and unassuming life of service. I studied biology at Uni and drifted on to do a PhD, but really I wanted to serve God overseas. When I met Jon, God was leading him in the same direction and so we started to prepare for this together, studying at Bible college and then Jon worked as a curate for three years at a church in Melbourne before we began our official ‘mission training’. I was always ready to serve God anywhere, except for in a Muslim country, but we have now lived in Indonesia for 2 years, the country with the largest Muslim population in the world! Jon is involved in training and discipleship of future and current church leaders as well as being involved in the leadership of our local church. I am caring for our family, leading a Bible study group, trying to continue with language study and am enjoying building relationships with neighbours and mums from the boys’ schools.

2. What have been some of the joys of being in ministry?

It has been a joy to hear testimonies from people who, despite much hardship and suffering have become followers of Jesus and continue to serve Him wholeheartedly.

It has also been a joy to see God using us despite our failures and weaknesses, and in ways which have surprised us. I have made so many language and cultural blunders, and yet God has given me opportunities to share about him. It has been a timely reminder of his grace and that he will use us how he wants, not according to our plans.

3. What have been some of the challenges?

Having grown up as a missionary kid I thought I wouldn’t find it too hard to fit in and adjust to life here. And in a way that has been true - I haven’t struggled with the culture and all the changes we have been through. However it has been a real challenge to be in a situation where I feel very incompetent and am unable to use some of the gifts I used readily in Australia. I am learning (often painfully) dependence on God and trying to look to Him each day to guide me in the ways in which He wants me to serve that day.

I also struggle immensely with the expectations (real or imagined) of others. I think this has been intensified for me since serving overseas. I feel such pressure to have something tangible to write about as we send out newsletters each month to faithful supporters. This is an area in which I continually need God’s help.

4. How does partnership in serving God with your husband work out in practice for you?

Jon and I talk about our ministry a lot and share ideas. Before we moved overseas most of our ministry was church-based. We had young kids, so we did a lot of hospitality ministry together, co-led a small group and I tried to meet up regularly with a few women from church and mentor them.

Since moving here, for various reasons, our ministries are very separate. We all go to church together on Sunday but that is the only regular contact I have with people there (hence it is taking me a long time to get to know them), whereas Jon sees many of them during the week. My ministry is more in our immediate neighbourhood. This may change once the boys are both at school full-time, but for now it is something we are learning to adapt to. We strongly believe that we are here serving God together, as a couple and as a family, and we try to include the boys at times in our discussions about why we are here, what we are doing, and what the joys and challenges are.

5. What's the one piece of advice you would give to a younger woman about to become a 'ministry' wife?

Keep praying and reading God’s word! This is the key indicator to me whether I am trying to serve in my own strength or with the strength that God gives. And try to be accountable to another woman who will ask you the hard questions about your relationship with God and your life and ministry. I have found these relationships invaluable and a great source of encouragement and wisdom (and sometimes rebuke!)

* Due to the sensitivity of the location and ministry Deborah & her family are involved in, we are unable to include her surname, organisation or a photo - I'm sure you understand!

Hospitality: A particular command for pastors (and their families)

2011-03-23T07:00:00.001+11:00

So far in this series, I've looked at the how all Christians are called to live hospitable lives in response to God's kindness. Now, I'd like to move on to part 2 of the series, which will look at place of hospitality in the role of a pastor and some implications for pastors' families.

For pastors, hospitality is spoken of in the New Testament as an indispensable dimension of ministry. It is explicitly linked in a couple of passages to the role of teachers among the people of God. So, in the list of requirements for an elder/pastor in 1 Tim 3:1-5, being hospitable is one of the attributes highlighted (v. 2):

1. The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

This is also the case in Titus 1: 7-9:

For an overseer as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. 9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

The reason for this may partly be because all Christians ought to be hospitable, just as all Christians need to be humble and self-controlled and holy. But the list of requirements for pastors are not merely a kind of catalogue of Christian virtues; they seem to focus particularly on the temptations that will need to be avoided by those who exercise this sort of authority within the church, and the virtues and attributes that will be essential to their work as teachers. In this context, hospitality has a double importance, not only because it is a basic Christian virtue, but also because a pastor is meant to teach by example as well as by words (eg. Heb 13:7, 1 Pet 5:3, 1 Thess 2:8, 1 Tim 4:12, Titus 2:7) – a task that is only possible if a pastor is willing to open up his life and his family to others.

In the next few weeks I'd like to think through the implications of these commands for the pastor's family (particular the pastor's wife!) and the rest of the church. I'd welcome your input as we go!

The Busy Christian... Chapter 6

2011-03-21T08:00:00.005+11:00

The Busy Christian’s Guide to Busyness
Chapter 6: Getting to the heart of busyness

People do not feel stressed simply because they have a lot on. Most of us enjoy doing lots of things. We only feel busy when we try to do more that we can. The problem is not expecting to do a lot, but expecting to do more than is possible. (p77)

Yet, the simple truth is God does not expect me to do more than I can. We all have limitations, be they time, energy, circumstances. So, if God does not expect me to do more than I can, the question for us is: Why am I trying to do more than I can?

The answer to that is comes from the answer to this: what are the desires of your heart? The most important step in dealing with busyness is: Identify the desires of your heart that make you try to do more than God expects of you.

The question all of us need to ask ourselves is – is our busyness rooted in sin? It is really idolatry?

We can spot idolatrous busyness because it will eventually cause harm – in our bodies, our families, our churches and our relationship with God. If your health, marriage, friendships, Christian service or relationship with God is suffering because of your busyness then you need to address the idols in your life. (p84)

For the next 6 chapters, Chester will look at some of the lies promoted by the world and the devil that lead people to be too busy. In each, he explores the counter truth – the liberating promise of God which repudiates each lie.

Our struggle with busyness is the struggle to believe God’s liberating promises for ourselves so that they shape our attitudes and actions. We may feel enslaved by our busyness and our schedules. But at the root of that slavery are the lies of Satan which are perpetrated by our culture. If we are to be set free, we must expose those lies and counter them with God’s word. More important than managing time is managing our hearts. (p86).

Next week – Chapter 7: I’m busy because I need to prove myself